GGCL9: oh dude, i heard some good jokes at a club here
GGCL9: ahhahhahaha, get this
GGCL9: there was a man at the cementary
GGCL9: this guy was TOTALLY just crying
GGCL9: totally broken down next to a tombstone....just saying, "WHY did you have to die?? WHY!!?"
GGCL9: a passer by saw the man crying and came over
GGCL9: "im so sorry, was it your wife?"
GGCL9: the guy turned around, "no...it was her first husband"

Guess what? I got to see THE Axe! I even got to touch it! It's times like these I wish I had a digicam. I coulda taken a picture next to it. *boo hoo* It had Cal 30-7 engraved on it too. WOW! COOOOOOOOOL!! xD hehe~~ the perks of workin here, mang~ it's just endless!

i just remembered something else i lost, but it's been more than 4 years: my southern drawl.

ok, so this happened a really really long time ago, but for some reason i just remembered it (probably because i'm at work, and there's not really much for me to do, so i'm just doing random thinking.)

this was during our CM sleepover. girsty and i were kinda stranded at the movie theaters (long story), and since we were both hungry we ran over to that one plaza with the food court. after we had semi-stuffed ourselves, girsty wants to go to the sprint store. so we're walkin around... crossing streets and pretty much getting lost. and so i suggest that maybe there's a sprint store inside the circuit city. so we went inside. but, alas, they were absolutely no help. so we were asking them where the sprint store was, so this store guy was going to show us (cuz we looked at him blankly when he tried to give us directions). anyway, i was passing by the dvd section and i saw the buffy season collection for a really cheap price! and i pointed and was like, "girsty! i want!" and girsty starts being all mean and yellin at me, "omg~ why are you such a baby! c'mon let's goo~~ put that down!" *sniffle* so i got all flustered cuz the store guy was staring and tryin not to laugh. so i put it down, but it fell to the ground, so i just laughed it off and started to walk and girsty, because she wasn't done makin fun of me, yells, "omg~ pick it up! why are you leaving it?!?" so i just laughed that off too and was gonna just go cuz the guy was just standing there waiting~ and girsty walks--no stomps--all the way over, while saying how big a baby i am and asking why i'm not pickin it up, to pick it up and put it back on the shelf.. makin me feel even more stupid. -__-;; the guy musta thought i was an idiot. so we get directions from the guy, and we thanked him and were finally, thank goodness, on our way.

we're outside and i was all yellin at her for makin me feel dumb, and girsty busts out with, "that guy was so checkin you out~" and i was like, "what?? how do you figure?" girsty says, "he was just lookin at you the whole time!" so i had to explain to her that he was probably laughing at me. there was no way that i couldn't NOT draw attention to myself when girsty is makin FUN of me the whole time..he was probably feeling sorry for me and giving me that "oh, you poor, slow, dumb girl~ whatever will the world do with you?" look.

*sigh*

I'm going home tomorrow morning!!! I can't wait~ This day has been going incredibly slow for me. But it's ok, because this time tomorrow, I'll be at home. Probably sleeping. xD

At this moment, I'm feeling very happy. Content with the way things are. No special reason really. Unless I'm unconsciously really aware that I'm leaving Berkeley tomorrow and that's just making me really happy. x)

I really enjoyed Pastor Eugene's message on Sunday. It's so true that my prayers are self-centered. I'm always trying to "improve" myself. I need to concentrate on those that don't yet know of God's love. I need to pray for Ken-kun who is going through a rough patch. I need to pray that God would continue to work in Yamashita-san to make that final commitment. I need to pray "Thy will be done."

I haven't done a random fact of the day in a while. haha~ To be totally honest, I just don't have anymore random facts. I'm not a cesspool of useless information.. just a small puddle. *sniffle*

hehe, on a lighter note:

j e n n 637 (1:13:27 AM): your icon?
j e n n 637 (1:13:28 AM): hahaha
j e n n 637 (1:13:33 AM): its like you!
j e n n 637 (1:13:35 AM): cute and scary

one word: GLUTTONY

that was tonight's thanksgiving fellowship... ugggggghhhh~ i ate sooo much! but i think we laughed a little of it off because fred was in danlee's small group. so was dave (slum) haha~ soo funny~ what a fun night~! danlee got lucky too! he got TWO sister small groups. omg~ there was a massive amount of people today. *wow* we crammed it into piedmont 106 (?). it was nice and cozy though.. xD

now to zonk out...after i finish some LSAT problems (boo hoo~) good nighT~

I don't know.. it's kinda strange.. I feel a little weird blogging sometimes because it is, in many ways, very self-centered. I write so that people can read about what my day was like. Or to show them how witty I can be. I've been trying to "keep it real" without being too personal, but that just ends up being contradictory...

If you want to know what made me almost cry today, then talk to me. x) I love to talk. (If you haven't noticed by now)

WE WON! haha, that's such a nice graduation present from the football team to us seniors. YAY~!!!!!!

Anywho, I'm kinda sad that I didn't actually go to the game. Oh well. I got to take a nice walk and even nicer talk with Lila. I thought that there was going to be some serious celebrating goin on, but there was none. *sigh* I'm so royally screwed though.. Gotta study, and I haven't done any today. Boo hoo~ bad llama~!

I'll leave you with this:
Lila: "Don't hurt me, I'm beautiful!"

i am so tired....

it was a kinda hectic past few days. didn't really sleep last night, so that's one of the reasons i'm tired.

one of my fears were confirmed today. *sigh* i kinda knew, but it was a shocker to actually hear it you know? we'll see how i take it from here.

i need You Lord...

Have I told you how awesome my bosses are? So I haven't been really acting like myself this morning-I was tired, and to make things worse, my contacts were really dry. I got up to take a break and went for a short walk. actually, I went to the bathroom to take a nap (haha, yea, I know.. ghetto. But I'm stinkin tired!) so anyway, I came back and my bosses were like, "Are you feeling ok?" So I explained to them how my contacts were suckin the life outta my eyes, and one of my bosses, Cheryl (the new one) busts out with an entire saline bottle and just gives it to me. *sigh* I'm so lucky, I'm tellin ya~ They're all sooo wonderful. I don't deserve such nice bosses. x( I'm a horrible employee. Look at me! I'm blogging when I should be working...

i'm soooooo sleepy!!!!! can't...keeep.... eyes......................open..must..................stay awake!

List of things that I've lost in the past 4 years:
*$12 clip that my mommy bought me-I lost it at the beach one night, and I drove all the way back to find it. And my goodness, wouldn't you know? I actually found it! But then…I lost it soon after. -__-;;
*A jacket that my mom brought back for me from Japan
*A t-shirt that my friend bought me
*A pair of pants that my friend gave me
*2 scarves: 1 was from my sister for Christmas one year; the other from my mom from Japan
*2 beanies: 1 from my sister; the other from my friend (sorry gc.. T-T)
*1 pair of gloves: from my sister (it was a scarf, beanie, gloves set)
*Jae's shirt freshman year at a softball game (sorry!)
*A bazillion umbrellas, not all of them were mine…
*My mind on numerous occasions
*Like 3 to 5 years of my life from sleep deprivation
*So many brain cells.. oh so many~

And this is just what I remember.. I know there's more…

allykid504 (2:29:34 AM): you know the lil pest kinda just grows on you, ya know?
allykid504 (2:30:00 AM): but i just had to pull out the raid and kill that lil bug

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Poor Alex. He just got his heart ripped out....and here I am.. laughing about it.. hahahah~ (hey~ I know you're laughing too!)

One more thing:

ALEXsHYUN (2:14:32 AM): lila juss broke up w/ me

X bYuLgZr X (2:15:02 AM): you just broke up with alex?
allykid504 (2:15:08 AM): oh my goodness
allykid504 (2:15:16 AM): he's such a blabber mouth
allykid504 (2:15:19 AM): what a girl

A lot of funny things happened today...hahaha~~ Alex always asks why everyone makes fun of him, but really.. he just asks for it!

I went to the library and actually got a lot of stuff done. It was WONDERFUL! I love the feeling you get when you finish something. I feel so productive!! Too bad I wasn't really productive. I missed all of my classes, and I missed work. -__-;; I woke up only because I had to cook. girsty came over last night and we watched Emperor's New Groove and ate miyuk gook and dwejiboolgogi. xD Then we had a nice and loooong chit chat session. It was so much fun! girsty's the only weirdo that I've met that reads with a British accent like I do!! It was a great bonding session. *thanks!* But we ended up talkin a little too long, so she left at around 5:30. I ended up sleeping my 7 hour day away. T-T *sigh* Stinky me...

I can't wait to go home!!

I'm such a stinker....

Just 2 minutes ago, I was feeling really overwhelmed, and very burdened. Especially financially. I've never been good at managing money, and I probably never will be, but I just wished that I didn't have to work.. Just for 1 week so that I could concentrate on studying for LSATs. But I guess that would be easy, and we can't have me slack off. I'd probably wasted all that extra time anyway... God works in wonderful ways. I need to trust in Him more.

I guess I've been wondering why God made it so that I had to work. (I mean, I've always asked "why" but I've been doing it a lot more lately). Why it is that I'm always counting my hours and my money. It's definitely not a fun way to live. I can't say that I haven't learned my share of lessons. (Like how evil credit cards are and how I'm going to be paying them off for the rest of my life..-__-;; A lesson learned a little too late). But I wish that for one semester I could just enjoy being a student and not have to work. Not that I don't enjoy my work--I love my job environment. Just today, one of my bosses burst out singing "You sexy thing" by Marvin Gaye. I would like to think that I'd continue to work, just because it's a good thing. But working out of necessity and working for pleasure are two totally different things. I don't know. I complain too much.

Lord, take my life.

WARNING: VENTING SESSION AHEAD

So I had my first run-in with a rude rude RUDE customer service guy. I ended up hanging up on him (I think hanging up on a person is the rudest thing you can do over the phone). He made me so angry though!!! Basically, they're giving me an extension, but I still have to pay!! I'm so angry!!! HOW in the WORLD can a $39.99 plan + $35.99 plan end up being $306?!?! I WANT TO SEE MY BILL AND SEE WHAT HIDDEN COSTS THEY GAVE ME! I was talkin to my bosses and the 2 of them with cell phones says that VERIZON SUCKS!!!!! I hope that Verizon Customer service people are reading this. YOU GUYS SUCK ROYALLY, AND I'M GOING TO TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU DO!!!!

DO NOT SIGN UP WITH VERIZON!!! "They will nickel and dime you!" (my bosses, BOTH of them unsatisfied customers). You have to read all this fine print and if you don't you end up paying for it. Not like a few dollars, not even a few tens of dollars, but HUNDREDS!! Cuz that's what I'm paying for EACH PHONE LINE I HAVE ON MY ACCOUNT!!!!!! And honestly, they aren't even THAT wonderful! I've gotten cut off plenty of times. I had better luck with my Cingular account cuz even though there's not much reception, they don't give you EXTRA CHARGES!!!! Except for going over minutes, which is told to you up front!!!!

I've been with 3 different mobile phone companies in the past 3 months (Cingular for a year: their reception is not that great, but I never had a problem with customer service, T-mobile for a few days: ditto on the service, but their customer service was really good, and now STINKY VERIZON), and VERIZON IS THE WORST!! I've never had to deal with hidden charges. OR been scammed into signing up for 1000 mobile-to-mobile minutes that aren't even usable in some instances. (WHAT KIND OF STINKY PLAN IS THAT???)

VERIZON WIRELESS SAYS: "Get 1000 mobile-to-mobile minutes! Only $3.99 extra! But youha vetobe onth esam enetwo rk an difthe yhavec allerblo ck andth eycallyou itdoe sn'tcou nt andb eingo nthes ame netwo rkm eans tha tbotho fyoun eedtobe onthe ne tworkt hateith erof youare callingfr om bec auseweh avea network andt henwe hav eour extend ed netwo rk soif yo u'reon th eex tend ednetw orkit doe sn'tcou ntyouc ano nlybe on ourne twork but luc kyfo rus yo uwo n't ev erkn ow ifbo thofy oua reo nth en et wor k will yo uwil lyou h ahah aha did you gett hat ihopen ot becau set henp eopl ew oulds ee tha tthisp lanisn 'tth atg reat andsi gnup with someon eelse butw ecan 'thav ethat soih opeyo udon't sto ptor eadall thisf inep rint m auauah aha auaua ha fools FOOOLS!"

*sigh*

just as I suspected.. no dream boy waiting for me in the laundry room. All I got were 2 loads of chook chook han laundry because it didn't quite dry completely.

Will it ever happen?

Back to my LSATs

X bYuLgZr X (12:37:32 AM): i might just grab my laundry and my LSAT stuff and go down there for a few hrs
allykid504 (12:38:01 AM): nice
X bYuLgZr X (12:38:10 AM): how depressing
allykid504 (12:38:50 AM): then the man your destined to be with happens to leave his clothes in the dryer
allykid504 (12:38:56 AM): or no
allykid504 (12:39:06 AM): you leave your clothes in the dryer and he comes and takes it out
allykid504 (12:39:12 AM): then you come down and get all mad
allykid504 (12:39:19 AM): and then you see him and yell at him
allykid504 (12:39:23 AM): and then it begins
allykid504 (12:39:24 AM): ...
allykid504 (12:39:29 AM): the romance

If it were only this easy....

Hey guuuyys~ I'm gonna be doin my laundry so if you wanna be my dream man, come and join me! I'll be there starting from 1AM probably to about 3ish.. *wink*

Praise the Lord!

My daddy is back in Japan!!!!! I just found out today. *sigh of relief*

Lord thank you....

P.S. If you feel like being sick read girsty's blog. *sigh* But I'm only grossed out cuz I'm jealous. I want someone to braid my hair toooOoOo~

come over girsty~ you braid mine, and I'll braid yours... I guess it wouldn't be the same, would it.... *sniffle*

Being productive has its ups and downs.

I was productive all day. Even when I came home. I took a shower, ate, and then my friend came over to do LSATs, so I sat and explained a few games to her. Then she said she wasn't feeling well, so she left. Since she's left, I've done nothing. xD I'm patiently waiting for hong to take me to pusan cuz he's the coolesT!!!

Maybe I should do some LSATs. xP blecH~~

Random, possibly interesting, fact of the day: Did you know that there's streaker in the Bible? It's in Mark 14:52. he fled naked, leaving his garment behind. Many scholars hypothesize that this is actually Mark who ended up streaking because there was no way that he would have found out about it any other way. Random fact brought to you courtesy of Caryn, one of my missions team members. In her own proud words, "I'm a cesspool of useless information!"

I feel so productive! I went to my 8 o'clock for the first time since my midterm in October. Not only that, I even took notes!! And I made it to my 9:30 and stayed up and took notes until the last 20 minutes of class when i passed out. Then section, and now work. Been workin since 12:30, and I have 30 minutes left.

It feels good to be productive! I should do this more often...

Before I die, I want so badly to see a meteor shower--I mean like the ones that they used to see a long time ago. The stars raining... Even a sprinkle of stars~

I went to campus to see the shower. It was way too bright, but I did see a few. And even though there weren't that many, it was still worth it. *sigh* I can't get over how beautiful they are. And it never fails to amaze me--every single time one shoots across the sky, I couldn't help but gasp in awe. *wow* One of these days, I want to go to the mountains. REALLY REALLY high and just watch the stars. Especially on one of these meteor shower days. I know that they said that this is the last big ones for the next 90 years, I'm sure there will be some small ones. I wonder what they looked like in the mountains.

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder consider all the world thy hands have made. I see the stars I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the Universe displayed! Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee, How great Thou art, how great Thou art! Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee, How great Thou art, how great Thou art~!

That song kept playin over and over in my mind as I was watching....How great You are...Let me rest in the greatness of You~!

*poop*

Now I'm in a bad mood. xP I called Verizon customer service again to see how much it would cost to cancel. It's $150/line. Is it worth it? Doode, but I've been dealing with paying for bills that I haven't even seen. And you know that 1000 mobile-to-mobile minutes? Read the fine print. Basically, the other person has to be on the same network, which could not be the case if they're roaming. Also, if they have caller id block, then it's null when they call you. It don't count cuz they don't know where the call is coming from. So basically, the 1000 mins are never used.. there's all these things that must be true in order to even get any use out of them so I shouldn't have gotten them. It's just a waste of money! I'm so angry.. I shoulda just stuck with T-mobile. At least their phone was cute. T-T I coulda learned to live without free nights. Better than dealin with this BS...

And I still have to do my LSAT homework.. I guess I should just go do that. Seriously, cell phones are the devil (quoting from luptuous).

I'M SO PISSED OFF!!!

Ok, so I hate verizon. The service isn't THAT great, and their BILLING SUCKS ROYALLY! I have yet to even SEE a bill for the 3 months that I've had service, and NOW they're tellin me that I owe over $300!?!?! I don't think so. I'm sooooo mad!! I called them and conveniently I have to call their Financial Services, which is CLOSED at this time! What the heck?!?! I do NOT have time for this!!!!!!!

ARG!!!!!!!!!

*woah*

Talk about interesting reading (check out Eric Yoo's blog):
That may explain why South Korean men were found to be the most unfaithful. About 65 per cent of them say they have strayed, the highest rate in Asia.

How sad.. Even sadder:
Interestingly, Korean women also top the infidelity list. About 41 per cent of them admit to having had affairs.

This is the publicity we get. How horrendous...

I slept all day. -__-;; I woke up at 11:30 to get up and get ready for work. I even dressed and brushed my teeth and everything. Then I went back to sleep. *sigh* So I didn't go to work. I ended up sleeping til 3 PM. I guess I should study. What a waste of a day..... But I don't really regret (well, maybe just a little bit), cuz I think I needed that sleep. DANG! It felt good to sleep uninterrupted for many hours. YAY! hehe

girsty came over last night and we ended up watchin "My Sassy Girl." AWWWW~~ Why do koreans make dramas/movies with these guys that do not exist?? I want a guy like him.. *sigh* I guess it's all just wistful thinking....

My tummy hoits....

*breathe*

wow~ I have time to breathe! This weekend was....fun! It started off on Friday, with small group sleepover. *yeeeee heeee* It was so fuN! Our girls are soooo adorable and hilarious.. hehe~ Everyone fell asleep though. But it was all good, cuz it gave me special time with my freshies. They're soooooooooooooooo scrumptious!! keke~~ We had a nice conversation.

Then, I rushed off to LSAT class to take my Diagnostic 3, but I did horribly because I was totally beat. -___-;; That made me sad, but it was ok. As soon as I ended class, I met up with girsty, little jenny, kenneth, kwan and the 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade girls from Sunday School at Iceland. WOOoooO hOOoooo~ Talk about fun. hehe~ Ellen was holding onto my arm, so I think it mighta fallen outta its socket a few times, but the girls had a lot of fun. xD Then we went to watch Harry Potter. YAY~! me and girsty were more excited than the kids, keke~ but I had a lot of fun. Kenneth and Kwan, bless their souls, stayed with us the entire day and even watched the movie. *thank you* Then we came back to my place, ordered pizza and watched movies. Finally got them all to bed around 2 or 2:30ish. I crashed with them in the living room. Then at 7, girsty woke me. *sigh* So we started to cook breakfast, and girsty, bless her soul, let me get ready while she prepared the rest of the food. *thanks girsty* She had to leave to get ready for church herself, so she left. I just had the girls get ready for church and shipped them off in 2 cars. *thanks again kenneth, and thanks brian* Then was church all day.. got back early though, around 4ish.

I had about 1.5 hrs to relax or get ready to go to LSAT class from 6-10. So I napped for 30mins. (really~ I know, I was amazed myself). Then class, which I mostly slept through, I trekked off to Kleeburger to watch the junior boys cream the other team. xD hehe~ Now I'm home, and I'm breathing! YAY!

Now to deal with stuff that should be dealt with... x( boo hoo, my weekend of fun has come to an end...

Random, possibly interesting, fact of the day: Did you know that your fart is basically little particles of poo? So when you fart, or sniffin someone else's, you're eating poo. *yummmmmmmmmm*

toughguyBCK (11:56:28 PM): boo
X bYuLgZr X (12:04:11 AM): ahh
toughguyBCK (12:04:21 AM): wat u up to homie?
X bYuLgZr X (12:04:28 AM): got kids over
X bYuLgZr X (12:04:32 AM): gonna do some crafts
X bYuLgZr X (12:04:33 AM): x)
toughguyBCK (12:05:03 AM): (shakin head)
toughguyBCK (12:05:07 AM): u and ur witchcraft
toughguyBCK (12:05:16 AM): :-D
X bYuLgZr X (12:05:44 AM): wat the??
X bYuLgZr X (12:05:45 AM): ahahaha
X bYuLgZr X (12:05:49 AM): that was pretty good
X bYuLgZr X (12:05:53 AM): ahaha~ i give you props
toughguyBCK (12:06:05 AM): thank you thank you (bowing)
X bYuLgZr X (12:06:11 AM): hahahhaa
toughguyBCK (12:06:24 AM): i'll be here all wk

Talk about crazy weekend....

I can't really talk about it now, cuz the Children's Ministry kids are still here. hehe~ (I know, I'm so bad~ takin time to blog.. keke~) Actually, I just wanted to add my random fact.. keke~

Random, possibly interesting fact of the day: Did you know that 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321? Craziness huh?? I actually feel like a nerd, cuz I looked for random facts online and this is one that I thought was cool. kekek~

Random, possibly interesting fact of the day: Did you know that if you eat asparagus, your pee smells funky? I didn't believe girsty when she told me, cuz I never really ate asparagus before, and I totally forgot about it. But then one day I had asparagus for dinner, and I went to the bathroom. And it wasn't like I was sniffin' my pee to see if it smelled, but I noticed this strange odor. And then I remembered what girsty had said.. craziness.. It really does smell funky~

I'm hungry........

Before I forget...
I had the weirdest dream (again). It was kinda about my older sister. Or someone that was my older sister in this dream. She ran away, and I followed her. There was this guy that liked her, and so we were out. And we were drinking (it was this small 1 bdrm apt that we were at), and then she smoked something. As soon as she smoked it, she lay back and started to mutter something. Like.. she was scared. I was just drunk, but as soon as she took that puff, everything started to go in slo-mo for me and like, I was feeling nothing. There was no feeling at all. I couldn't feel the ground, I couldn't hear myself breathing, I couldn't feel myself breathing. It was as if all I had were eyes, and defective ones at that, cuz things were hazy but at the same time really sharp. But when she started to mutter, the trance was broken, and I was just drunk again. I was leaning against the guy that liked my sister. I knew that my sister needed this guy. I don't know if she liked him, but I knew that he was good for her. He saw her rolling on the ground and he was lookin at the pipe and debating whether or not he should puff too. I knew what he was thinkin and I was tellin him not to do it cuz my sister needed him and I was too drunk to take care of her. He kept thinkin about it, and finally he took it and puffed. I was like.. "typical.." But I still wanted this guy to want me. I donno if it was like me liking him, or me just needing to be liked. I was thinkin, "well, I'm drunk.. so it doesn't matter what I do" So I clung to him. For a while, he held me and shushed me and I felt very safe. Then all of a sudden he gently puts me down and he crawls next to my sister. (Who is still rocking on the floor muttering, almost crying) And he goes to be with her..exactly in that state. I started crying because I heard my sister and I was getting worried. (but then at the same time I was seeking to be comforted when my sister was the one who needed someone). I cried, "You're worrying me cuz it looks like you're havin a bad trip!" My sister (I think) looked up and said she was fine, then she went back to her muttering.. He, on the other hand, was just there. And for some reason, I knew that he puffed even though he didn't really want to. He puffed to be with her in that state together. He wanted to feel what she was feeling. So when he was with her, he didn't move or anything.. He just wanted to breathe with her and be one with her. I was so amazed at that and so I let them be. I knew how good he was for her.

In the meantime, there was this other guy.. he was a jerk though. And for some reason, there was this other girl (donno her.. but she was cool). And then he kept complainin about us being there (cuz we're not part of their crowd and we were only there cuz that guy liked my sister and she had run away). Anywho, he starts to get up and leave to go to the other side of the apt. The girl got suspicious and she checks up on him, and he's getting dressed. She starts yellin at him cuz she knows he's about to make his escape. Right then, my mom barges in. She looks a mess. (She's not my real mom, btw. Some person that's supposed to be my mom). She looks tired and worn out. Her hair is... i donno how to explain it. You know how when things blow up on tv and their hair gets all funky? yea, it was kinda like that. Anyway, she freaks out cuz there's all these blankets in one room and we were all in the room together. She tells me to leave (for some reason, I'm the baby of the family and she doesn't want me to be a part of this discussion) so I go into the living room and start beating up that other guy. And I tell my mom that he needs to be in that room too, so I dragged him over there to get in trouble. Big jerk...

I don't know how it ends. This is how much of it I remember....

P.S. Carroll is the coolest, mang!! The COOLEST!

bahzhang: i know you're a chicken fiend and i still got that whole pack of chicken left (10 wings and drumsticks)
bahzhang: it's too tiring to make the soup again...
bahzhang: you want the pack? =)
X bYuLgZr X: really???
bahzhang: hehe yes
X bYuLgZr X: yummmmmm
bahzhang: i'm not up for another cook session like that
X bYuLgZr X: hahaha
X bYuLgZr X: awww
X bYuLgZr X: now i feel so special!
bahzhang: hahaha
bahzhang: oh yeah...and i told hyewon this
bahzhang: but i have like 4 cream cheese danishes i have left
bahzhang: i'll be dropping those off with you too
bahzhang: i'm sick of them =p
X bYuLgZr X: ooOooOooOooo
X bYuLgZr X: yummmmmmmmmmm
X bYuLgZr X: yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
X bYuLgZr X: *drool*
X bYuLgZr X: oh carroll, you spoil us so~
bahzhang: hahaha well i didn't do anything
bahzhang: but i figured you would appreciate it the most
bahzhang: especially the chicken =)
X bYuLgZr X: heeee
X bYuLgZr X: you're soo cool
bahzhang: hahaha don't i wish
X bYuLgZr X: you are!!
bahzhang: hahahaha
bahzhang: well i'll drop it off tomorrow afternoon

I got back from Safeway just a bit ago, and I just wanted to ask a question. This is for you guys out there... Are you guys really that clueless when it comes to food? Is canned food the answer because you don't know how to make anything else? Or is it laziness? It was sooo funny~ I ran into someone (I'll leave out the name.. just in case he gets offended.. tee hee) and he was just wanderin around the vegetable area. I was picking onions and he truly looked befuddled. He said, "I need to buy food. Like FOOD food, but I don't know what to buy." So I was saying how potatoes and onions are like my best friends, and he looked even more confused. He asked, "What do I do with it?" and then he asked, "Can I put meat in it? What kind?" hahah~~~ I was busting up at this point. It was cute in this lost boy sorta way. hehe, I hope he doesn't mind that I'm laughing.

I just ate.. I shouldn't have.. Now I have to stay up for at least another hour. Or, I could just go to sleep and be all bloated tomorrow.. who do I have to impress anyway?

YAY!

I've done nothing for 3 hours. (wow! Has it really been THREE hours???) I'm better at wasting time than I thought. Anypooh.. Just sitting here.. xD hehe, wanted to let the whole world know that I'm doing NOTHING! (mind you, that doesn't mean i have nothing to do.. I'm just not doing it...)

Random, possibly interesting, fact of the day: Did you know that when you flush the toilet, the germs can spray up to about 60 feet? But since there are ceilings in bathrooms (usually), I imagine they just get trapped in that tiny enclosure....with you in it! *spewwww* And you wondered why people could be so disgusting as to not flush the toilets.. haha~ You should ask yourself who's more disgusting? Leavin your business for other people to find, or takin part of yours and other people's germs with you from flushing the toilet???? (This fact was actually in some book for paranoid people.. xD)

I take it back.. It's ALWAYS the guy's fault. I would explain, but it takes too long. Besides, it's common knowledge~ xD

I refused to work on my paper until 5, so I stopped at 4:30. I didn't even look it over. By far, this was the worst paper I've ever written my entire life. I've never spent so much time on a paper just to have it suck even harder than it started out. The good news is that it's over.

Seriously, when I came back from the library, it was like 4:55, so I had a total of 5 mins to sit there and be tired before my LSAT study date came over to go over some LSAT stuff. It was not fun. Now, I'm doing nothing. I know that I should keep going with the LSAT stuff, but I just need to do nothing for a little bit. Maybe a few days.

Speaking of my LSAT study buddy, she is goin through some craziness right now. *wow* I don't know if I should post it since it has something to do with legal proceedings, so I won't. But bascially she was given an opportunity to better herself in return for slandering someone else. And she turned it down. They're still harassing her, but she refuses to budge. Honestly, I was really impressed. I don't know what I would do in that position. It humbled me a lot. She's such a sweetie though. She's 27, but we relate on a lot of levels. It's always cool to have older friends. I hope that we can stay friends.. x) Even after all this LSAT poop. Honestly, I think I have such good luck when it comes to meeting the most awesome people. I've met some AMAZING people. They've been sooo wonderful and I just feel so blessed all the time when I'm around them.

Then again, I also seem to attract the stinky boys that hurt me beyond belief.. but that's all in the past, thank goodness. I think that I'm better at being friends with people than anything else. When feelings become involved I get so...weird. I don't know. I can't extract myself from that relationship, which skews things. You know how they say that love is blind? In my case, it's stupid too. I get sooo stupid. Things that I would NEVER allow anyone to get away with, I will condone if he's my bf. Did you know that one of my bf's indirectly told me that I was fat.. like all the time and I began to lose massive amounts of weight because of that?? Yea, I get that stupid. Like, you watch the korean dramas and you think, "OMG! That girl is SOO stupid!! What is wrong with her??!" And even I get all frustrated, but that's me. I'm the stupid girl in the Korean drama that takes abuse from her bf and can't separate herself from him even after he treats her like ddong. *sigh* Maybe one day I'll learn my lesson. Or even better, maybe there's someone out there who's not a jerk and will like me. Maybe...

But then, it's not always the guys' fault. It's my fault for liking them. GEEZ! Seriously, all it takes is a guy liking me and pursuing me, and I end up liking him back. In the words of someone wise, "FILTER!"

Haha, what the heck? Why did I blog about that?? ahaha, I'm weird. But at least I realize it. xD hehe~

Paper due: 5 o'clock today
Page requirement: Check
Content: *tthhhhhk* (that was a sucking noise)
Overall Paper status: *AHNG!* ...still biting
Author's status: Been up til 5 or 6 for the past 4 or 5 nights = Very tired... yet at the same time content. Just gotta make it til five baby!

JUST 2 MORE HOURS, BABY! (yea, baby~ yea~~!)

I'm at work right now, so I'm kind of sneaking this in…

I was preparing the December birthday cards, and basically what we do is we type out the addresses and on each envelope we put a small post-it with the date of the birthday and whether the salutation is formal or informal. Anyway, I finished up typing them out today and I was going through them to proof them. (Cuz, let me tell ya, typewriters are pretty tricky to work with.. No little red line under words if you misspell! How barbaric~) Anywho, I was going through them and I found a few of the post-its were put on kinda sloppily. And I didn't really realize what I was doing at first, but I was unsticking them and putting them back on so that they were straight. -__-;; I always make fun of anal people, and whaddya kno? I'm anal too… But it's all good, right? Even though no one but us sees the post-its and they go in the trash.

Yes I am bored. Very very bored.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm so upset~! I spent like 3 hours poring over this one problem for my econ homework. I feel so dumb now. I figured it out, and it was SO easy! I just needed to look at the problem more closely! ARG!! But at least I'm DONE! with the econ homework Now, onto my paper that still bites.. *AHNG*

Paul said that he boasted in his weaknesses because God's strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

Lord, help me to boast in my weaknesses. Help me to hang on even when I feel like giving up. Help me to hold back the tears, and instead break into smiles because I know that You are strong and that You will keep me until the end. Because if I were strong, I could do this without You, and I wouldn't give glory to You. Help me to praise You especially during these times. Thank You, Lord, that You will always be my strength.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
~ II Corinthians 12:9 ~

We had several interesting conversations during small group today. Did I ever mention how my small group is really awesome? Well they really are. It's kinda cool because we actually talk about really unconventional stuff. Like today, we somehow got on the subject of homosexuality, and if it really is something that you are born with. I always pish-poshed that notion--that you can't innately be born with something so unnatural. But, one of them pointed out that since we're all born with sin, it is possible that people are born with homosexual tendencies. It made me think. Hrmmmmmmmmmm.... What an interesting small group we had tonight, lemme say.

Today. Well today, I woke up really late. 3 hours late to be exact. -__-;; But it's the result of having stayed up for the past few nights til 5 or 6 in the morning. I think I needed the sleep. *sigh* Too bad I'm going to be pulling another all nighter tonight. Anyone wanna join me???? If you're good at Econ, I'll even throw in brownies! Y' think I'm kidding, don't you? Cheesecake brownies will be baked for you right in front of your eyes and be served to you nice, hot, and chewy! yummMmm~ Catch is that you'll have to help me with my homework. It's due tomorrow. T-T I also have that stankin paper that I've been wrasslin' with for like a week to finish. BLAH! So yes, company would be greatly appreciated! Please, come join me in this fun study fest!

Last night, I went over to Jae's to get some studying done. Did it happen? noOoo~ Because she introduced me to this really fun game on Yahoo! games. T-T (It's called Bounce Out It's soooooo addicting!) I ended up playing for an hour. xP I got half my econ homework done though. I stopped cuz I got lost. *sigh* Wretched, wretched class!

Random, possibly interesting, fact of the day: Did you know that some Korean farmer invented the apricot? And that some Chinese farmer, who's last name was Bing, invented the bing cherry. Compliments of one of my small group girls, Tiffany. x)

Bye bye now~ (I'll probably be back..) xD

It is Well...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

He lives--oh, the bliss of this glorious thought;
My sin, not in part, but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, Oh my soul.

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

And, Lord, haste the day when our faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trumpet shall sound, and the Lord shall descend;
Even so, it is well with my soul...

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

I came across the story of the man who wrote this song, and it's just...wow.. Take a look-see:

In 1871, tragedy struck Chicago as fire ravaged the city. When it was all over, 300 people were dead and 100,000 were homeless. Horatio Gates Spafford was one of those who tried to help the people of the city get back on their feet. A lawyer who had invested much of his money into the downtown Chicago real estate, he'd lost a great deal to the fire. And his one son (he had four daughters) had died about the same time. Still, for two years Spafford--who was a friend of evangelist Dwight Moody--assisted the homeless, impoverished, and grief-stricken ruined by the fire.

After about two years of such work, Spafford and his family decided to take a vacation. They were to go to England to join Moody and Ira Sankey on one of their evangelistic crusades, then travel in Europe. Horatio Spafford was delayed by some business, but sent his family on ahead. He would catch up to them on the other side of the Atlantic.

Their ship, the Ville de Havre, never made it. Off Newfoundland, it collided with an English sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and sank within 20 minutes. Though Horatio's wife, Anna, was able to cling to a piece of floating wreckage (one of only 47 survivors among hundreds), their four daughters--Maggie, Tanetta, Annie, and Bessie--were killed. Horatio received a horrible telegram from his wife, only two words long: "saved alone."

Spafford boarded the next available ship to be near his grieving wife, and the two finally met up with Dwight Moody. "It is well," Spafford told him quietly. "The will of God be done."

I've been working on this paper for a total of 5 days now. It's only supposed to be five pages long, yet it just bites! It still bites!! T-T I don't know what to do with it anymore. It's so frustrating! Stinkin' polisci.. I guess my mind just doesn't work that way. But then my mind doesn't work in the economic way either... so what the heck am I doin being a Political Economies major??? -___-;; I'm weird...

Other than that, I guess today was an ok day.. Pretty chill considering I had LSAT class.. xP It was our last lesson though (YAY!). I missed my 8 o'clock again!! T-T Doode, I need a new alarm clock. I think I should invest in like 7 different sounding alarm clocks so that when my ears get used to one, I can switch around. *sigh*

Random, possibly interesting, fact of the day: Did you know that most people will pass the first stall in the public restrooms because they want more privacy? I read that somewhere a really really long time ago..

There are some people that I wish I could get to know, but it's hard because of the way that I approach people. People say that I'm intimidating. I guess I can be, but I don't mean to be. When I approach people, I really want them to feel like I'm genuinely interested in them. And I only approach people because I am. But if people don't respond to that, then I don't know what to do. I know that some people need more than just a smile and a big loud "hello," but I don't know what it is that I can do to get them to respond to me. I don't know why, but when people spark my interest, I really want to get to know them, and I want them to know me. I want to be real, but then, I guess I'm not. I try so hard to be happy and energetic all the time. It's quite draining, but then I've kinda put myself into this role. So I stay. There's more to me though...

Carroll came over tonight and we talked. It was really nice. I don't really get a chance to have deep and serious conversations with a lot of the people that I "know." It's always refreshing to talk to someone new. *thanks carroll* ^^ I wish it were that easy to talk with everyone.

I also put him to work. keke~ My wall is almost filled, thanks to Carroll's free and exploited labor. tee hee~ Come check it out~ I'd love the company!

Something that I read today in My Utmost for His Highest:

"Abraham did not choose the sacrifice. Always guard against self-chosen service for God; self-sacrifice may be a disease. If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential order of God for you is a hard time of difficulty, go through with it, but never choose the scene of your martyrdom...God is working for His highest ends until His purpose and man's purpose become one."

Just thought I'd share... xD

NOoooOO~ It doesn't work!

Oh well, if you're really curious, click here

kekeke

The best thing to do in the world:

I got an extension on my paper!! See, if I had gone to class on Thursday, then I would have known that before this weekend, and wouldn't have stressed over it so much. But since I missed class, I just found out about it today. Oh well... still have that extension~!! WOO HOO!

So I went for a jog today after church. (I have no clue what energy I'm running on because I only slept 2 hours last night). It was such a beautiful sunset... I don't know, I get all sentimental and weird when I see beautiful things like that... hehe~ I guess I am a girl sometimes.

I kinda got really frustrated today, but I think that was bad. People are different. Gotta learn to deal with that.

Now that I have this extension, I guess I could work on my LSAT stuff. But then again, now I have the paper and Econ homework due on Thursday. That's going to bite. So, I guess I should finish that paper, huh?

Bye now~~~

scary how well your friends know you...

GGCL9 (11:53:49 PM): STOP USING ME AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT STUDY!!
X bYuLgZr X (11:53:53 PM): haha
X bYuLgZr X (11:53:55 PM): how'd you know?
GGCL9 (11:53:59 PM): I CAN ALWAYS TELL CAUSE YOU ARE NICE
X bYuLgZr X (11:54:06 PM): hahahaha
GGCL9 (11:54:15 PM): USUALLY YOU EITHER TRASH ON ME OR DONT TALK AT ALL
GGCL9 (11:54:28 PM): :-(
GGCL9 (11:54:31 PM): go study!
X bYuLgZr X (11:54:32 PM): ahahaha
GGCL9 (11:54:36 PM): good lucks
X bYuLgZr X (11:54:36 PM): you know me too well

I have a confession to make......
I was going in and out of consciousness during AWANA prayer meeting. That's why I took a nap... I had to get that off my chest...

writing...not........happening!!

I didn't make it to class. I came home after prayer meeting, and I was soo unbelieveably tired, so I was going to take a 15 minute nap. But that ended up lasting all day. xP I woke up to my alarm, but I didn't want to get up, so I just went back to sleep. I've been incredibly lazy all day.

So, I decided that I'm going to finish this paper tonight, even if it kills me.

I just want to be whole again.

I wonder if there was ever a time in my life when I was whole. There must have been. I mean, I think I was a pretty happy kid. I wasn't that deprived. I mean, there were things that I never did that most of the other kids did, but the important thing was that I was happy. I didn't think that it was strange that I used to have lice. I didn't think that it was strange that I my toys were mostly made of things that God had provided rather than man-made ones. I didn't know that people freak out that my parents used to discipline us physically. I didn't know that my mom toiled really hard as a seamstress for Osh Kosh B'Gosh. I thought my mom had the greatest job because we got to go to the company picnics where they gave us free cotton candy. I thought my dad had the greatest job because we got to go to the Christmas parties that the army provides, and their Santa Claus always had candy canes for us. I didn't know that they were both being exploited, and that they knew that they were being exploited, but they did it to feed us, to clothe us, to house us. I was a pretty oblivious kid. I thought our family was the greatest--we went on family trips together. We'd spend weeks on the road in our old van and just GO places. It didn't matter where. Once my dad drove us all the way to Maryland, just for the heck of it. I wasn't as appreciative of these things as I should have been... Have you told your family that you love them today?

As I got older, things changed. The family trips were "uncool" so I'd argue and argue then somehow convince them to let me and my older sister stay home. My dad videotapes everything, but when I got older, that was "uncool" too, so I'd hide my face from it. All the things that I thought were cool about my family became objects of shame to me. I never learned to communicate with my family. To this day, I don't think I've had a serious and real conversation with any of my family members, minus my older sister. It's so sad. God blessed me with the best older sister anyone could wish for. I have 2 younger sisters, but I wasn't much of a sister to them. In fact, I don't really know them that well. How sad, huh? I don't know my own little sisters. I wish I had been a better sister. I wish I could have been as good as my older sister was to me.

But as I sit here and try to piece together the tiny shards that is my life, I can't do it. I keep putting the pieces in the wrong place, and I end up feeling worse than before. I know that the only One that can fix me is God. That I need to really really trust Him. But how do I do that? There are so many fragments, and I've made a mess of them trying to put them together on my own. There are so many things that have been pulled apart, and so I don't know what belongs where anymore. I don't know what I've done with it all... How do I let go of it all? Please show me...

All of You is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need, You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough. You are my supply, my breath of life still more awesome than I know. You are my reward, worth living for, still more awesome than I know. You're my sacrifice of greatest price still more awesome than I know. You're my coming King, You are everything; still more awesome than I know. All of You is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need, You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough. More than all I want, more than all I need, You are more than enough for me. More than all I know, more than all I can see, You are more than enough for me... (Passion - Enough)

I just watched Harry Potter, and parts of Dirty Dancing and The Fast and the Furious with girsty and hyewon. I love movies.. xD And it's been a while since me and girsty saw a flick together. x) We must do that more often. We still have to watch our movie, The Emperor's New Groove. Must do that soon. I need a good dosage of that bad llama. keke~

Now I must sleep so I can wake up and go to work on time for once. [bubbly scream]

Dang~ I'm never ever missing LSAT class again! That really sucked! I went to class last night and tonight.. it's SOOO tiring! xP BLECH! And I'm just not getting better. I think I'm starting to plateau, which isn't good considering my score SUCKS!! -__-;; Must spend more time on LSATs.. x( As soon as I finish this stupid paper for my class, I will do my LSATs! ahaha~ maybe I should do my paper instead of blog..? Yes, I think I shall...

wooo~ I just saw 2 hotties in the copy room. Well, not hotties but just hot enough to be make my eyes feel like they just ate some candy. yummm~

Now I praise You Lord of all creation
You ordained the sun to rise and fall.
You scattered the stars across the heavens
And You come close enough to hear me call.

Now I want to say, "Holy is Your Name."
Let all creation proclaim, "Holy is Your Name!"

Your love is the shelter over my soul
(You fill my heart with wonder)
And You fill me with the wonder of a child
(You heal my spirit)
You will heal the humble and the broken.
(Mercy flows like a river…)
Mercy flows like a river running wild

Now I want to say, "Holy is Your Name."
Let all creation proclaim, "Holy is Your Name!"

From the highest mountain, I will lift my voice to the sky
From the lowest valley, hear my cry!

Now I want to say, "Holy is Your Name."
Let all creation proclaim, "Holy is Your Name!"

Holy is Your Name (Bebo Norman, Caedmon's Call)

I'm kind of tired.. Kind of... worn. I have a lot of things in mind, but I really haven't been able to extract anything from the jumble in my brain. What do you guys do when this happens?

Is He and His love sufficient to deliver us from sufferings of life? The answer is yes.

These are the last words of a testimony of one of the people that we met in Japan. I'm so amazed at the things that God does...Who says that miracles don't happen everyday? This is from a boy that said he wasn't Christian. From a boy that had been so hurt and so confused about his purpose in life. He's found his purpose now, and it's all thanks to God.

Lord you are so amazing! Thank you for your love. Thank you that you found it in your plan to save some of us. Thank you that you are so Absolute.

"In the same way, I tell you, there rejoicing the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

Jae Eun Lee

She is my friend, although she's quite the mercenary. She's a little fobby, but then, she's also very Argentinian... go figure. She's not like anyone else I know. She's been such a wonderful friend to me. I met her my freshman year at KCPC here at Berkeley. She was this quiet fobby girl, and the only other girl without a clique already. I kinda drifted towards her just because she seemed like the only one that would just accept me as I am. Did I ever tell you how I have this knack for being pretty close at pegging people? I was so right about her. I don't have to hide anything from her. She knows most of my deepest darkest secrets, but I don't feel ashamed around her at all. Not at all. In fact, I feel quite free and liberated when I'm with her. I don't have to hide behind my fake mask that I've built for everyone else. I can just be myself--horribly disgusting, and struggling all the time. The wonderful thing is that she just accepts that. x) Poor girl... I can't say that she says much. I tend to be closer to people that listen more than talk. Probably because I like to talk.. haha~ but it works out quite nicely because she's not much for talking. We have this unspoken bond. I don't really know when it began. But we're kinda guyish that way--you know how guys can bond silently watchin tv? That's me and Jae. We bond through tv, her computer, eating. She's actually one of the people that I don't feel uncomfortable around when things are quiet. I just feel content with her. I think that I talk a lot because I don't like silences.. it seems more intimate for some reason. This ability to understand each other without words... but when you don't have that kind of understanding, it's just uncomfortable. I hate that. But with Jae...we don't have to say anything. x) I love her to death...donno what I'd do without her...

Thank you Jae Eun Lee, for being such a wonderful friend to me! For being so beautiful both inside and out. For always listening to me no matter what I have to say. For dealing with my bazillions of dramamama moments. For understanding me so well. For always encouraging me to be a better person. SSARANGAHAEE~ING~~~~~!!

Lord I love the way you love me
And how you move me deep within
Lord I love the way you hold me
And draw me into you, woah

Lord I love the way you bless me
And how you look into my heart
Lord I love the way you lead me
Right into your arms, woah~

God I praise Thee, You amaze me
Take my life, and let your light shine through
Jesus, Savior, friend of sinners
Fill me up, cuz all I really want is more of You

Cuz all I really want is more of You...

Lincoln Brewster - All I Really Want

Maybe this is a sign.. I've tried to post 3 times, and I keep deleting my posts. I refuse to type it for the third time. I will just post it later. I guess when my thoughts are more collected. Or maybe these thoughts were never meant for the world to see....

I'm so disgusting...I slept for 14 hours today. Yes.. FOURTEEN! I went to sleep at 2 AM then woke up at 4 PM today. -__-;; Alex said that it was disturbing that I slept so much. It's not like I haven't done this before, but I hate it when I do that. I really feel disgusting.. xP GROSS~~

I was doing some LSAT homework, but I decided that I don't want to do it anymore. haha~ Might as well do it later on tonight since I will be awake to make up for all that sleep I slept!

I just had a thought...I'm really blessed. Even those things that I think are a curse are really a blessing. Those things and people that I feel like are only a bother are actually real blessings from God. Even if they are a bother sometimes, without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am. Without them, I'd just be alone, which is my biggest fear. And maybe I'm even more of a bother to them then they are to me.. I'm still tryin to see people as just souls, and see that God loves every single one of them. The things of my life that I say are burdensome and hard are actually just the responsibilities that God knows that we can handle together. I tend to look at other people's lives and wonder why I wasn't born with the luxuries that they have. God would never give me anything that I wouldn't be able to get through, and Him giving me these burdens means that He trusts me to get through...kinda like giving me 2 talents instead of 1, ya kno? (I don't know if that was heretical, but I'm just trying to make some kind of analogy here..) I don't know. I am tired beyond belief and I still wish it would all end, but I know that God is with me. And that makes me feel so much better.

If only I could have remember this everyday...

That didn't do much... So I took a shower, but that didn't really help either... The only coherent thought that I could muster was: What am I doing wrong?