so i haven't been near a computer since i turned in my paper last tuesday. and today, i type all retarded so maybe i'm still not ready.. haha, anyway..

holiday memory:
going to norebang with my entire family: mom, dad, gradnma, haemie, hyungboo(bro-in-law), haerie, miere, uncle, aunt, and baby. quite an interesting excursion i must say.

so this holiday season has not been as happy as i had hoped. but i guess when the entire chung family gets together there's bound to be some conflict.

when my friends talk about their families, i can't help but feel jealous sometimes. our family is not the lovey-dovey type. i think that's where a lot of my aggression comes from. if i wanted something i had to ask for it. if i wanted to be heard i had to make myself heard. my words come out roughest to those people i love. i know i hurt a lot of people because of it, but i donno. i'm sure if i were more aware of myself and my words i could stop it, but usually i'm not. i use words very loosely and that ends up getting me into a lot of trouble. i guilt trip because that's what my parents do to me if they really want to be heard. maybe that's why i deal with criticism better than compliments. b/c criticism means i can work at something. compliments are foreign to me.. i learned to grit my teeth and say thank you, but when ppl compliment me, sometimes i feel like i'm being ridiculed. i know, i know.. i've got problems.

i could write so much more, but.. i guess what i'm trying to say is.. i'm sorry if i hurt you. i don't mean to be so critical. i don't mean to be so demanding. please understand that if i am rough with you, it means i love you. i'm sorry that i'm aggressive and scare you sometimes.. it's just the way i learned to cope with my life. i learned that if i wanted something i had to make it known. i learned that if you care, you point out the other's faults so that they can better themselves and become an even better person. i'm constantly pushing and pushing.. but only because i know you can do it.

this isn't directed at anyone in particular. i guess it's my way of explaining my behavior sometimes.

it's been a tough couple of days... i'm just praying.

i've been retreating a lot. away from God, away from my friends, and into myself. it's not a good thing to do, because i start to get really depressed when i do that. i need to stop looking at myself and look at God. i think this holiday season was the most meaningless christmas in a really long time.. i really didn't feel much joy. i mean.. i felt joy -- to be with my family, my friends.. but i didn't feel JOY. we're celebrating Jesus' birth.. but it just didn't hit me this season.

wow.. this is turning out to be a long post. maybe i was ready to type.. but maybe instead of typing i should be praying.

This is your life
- switchfoot

yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
don’t close your eyes
don’t close your eyes
this is your life
and today is all you got now
and today is all you’ll ever have

don’t close your eyes
don’t close your eyes
this is your life
are you who you want to be
this is your life
are you who you want to be
this is your life
is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over
and this is your life
are you who you want to be
this is your life
are you who you want to be
this is your life
is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

i just wasted one hour reading other people's blogs.
what is the matter with me?? my paper is due TOMORROW and i'm not finished with draft ONE.

*sigh* looks like another all-nighter. WHEN WILL IT BE OVER?!?!?!?!

o.n..e...m..o..r...e...d..a.......y!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

why is this paper so crappy???

so i'm on page 16 or 11 of my paper. the reason it might be 11 is because i haven't even gotten into my analysis yet and it's already 16 pages in courier new (the font of my choice because it takes up so much space..hehe) if it ends up being too long tho, i'm going to have to use times new roman to make space for my analysis. xP

luckily, i find this subject fascinating. otherwise i would probably be playing again today.

i had actually hoped to finish by yesterday, but that didn't work out too well. wednesday, i finished finals and there was no way anyone could have made me start my ppr. then thurs, i decided to take off b/c my mom told me i had to clean my room. so i hired my sister to clean my room for me, but in return, i had to watch her child which pretty much took all day. then kristy came over and we went and watched blade trinity (very good, btw) and came back to my place to watch harry potter: prisoner of azkaban..and all the dvd special stuffs. which took til about 3:30 in the morning. then i proceeded to scare myself until 5am due to some disturbing previews i saw (for white noise, darkeness and some other movie with a small child singing "itsy bitsy spider." seriously what is up with all these scary movies with children???) *sigh* which meant i woke up at late the next day. but i still couldn't get started because i had to clean the house for my uncle and aunt's visit. my sister came over to help and that meant i had to watch the baby again. to top it off, it was my mom's bday, so we had dinner at home. and to make it even worse, the drama i like played yesterday (haha). i had to watch it!

today, i finally got started on my paper and wrote about.. 8 (or 5 depending on the font i'm going to use) pages in the past 7 or 8 hours. not too bad, eh? too bad a lot of it is crap.

seriously tho, i've never been so depressed. i thought i was done and played for 2.5 days only to have to be holed up in my library again. x( i was very very depressed yesterday and couldn't start writing. today, i'm feeling the pressure of having to turn in my ppr in about.. 2 days, so i finally started.

i'm not trying to avoid writing my paper, i'm not.

I'M DONE!


..sorta.

now to tackle 30 page ppr.... *sigh*

i really like casting crowns.

haha, my parents were really funny yesterday:

mom: (to my older sis) so i'm taking heaven with us to go see mierie. you can't go?
sis: no, i can't. but you're going to take heaven?
mom: yes.
sis: wow! that means i get 3 whole hours to myself?? it's a great day today~ i didn't have to feed my husband lunch, and now, i get the rest of the day off until i make dinner.
mom: it must be your birthday~

hahaha~ where did she learn that?

(on the way to see mierie)
me: (to heaven in korean, trying to keep her awake) heaven, what sound does dog make? dog goes "mong mong!" cat goes "meow"
mom: (joining in) turkey goes "gobble gobble"
dad: chicken goes "chicken chicken"

hahahaha~ and when we said that it didn't, he said, "well your mom is saying that turkey go 'gobble gobble'"...
...it does, dad. hahaha~

geez.. i'm almost done with this semester. my finals went by so quickly. i didn't do so well this semester....... but i know that i need to get my act together so hopefully next semester will be a different me.

lots of things that need to change about me. first thing is to read the Bible everyday. close behind that is to wake up in the morning. (seriously.. i'm really really bad...)

after that it's the normal "lose weight" "do better in school" yada yada.. but if i accomplish those 2 things above i'll be ecstatic. x) wish me luck ppls~

oh, and good luck on finals mierie! you can do it. x)

my favorite character of all time.

hey jae, i want this as my background. hahaha~ or like.. a profile pic. hahahahaha~

doode, my fingers hurt from typing yesterday. not good.

*sigh*

i should get offline.
haha~

good studying guys~ just one (or two) more weeks! we can do it!!!

i haven't done a holiday memory in a while and feeling as crappy as i am, maybe this will cheer me up..

holiday memory: when my dad was away for Christmas during the bush the first's war in iraq, we made a video tape to send to him, in which we all took turns singing him songs we learned @ school. i sang all however many verses there are to "silver bells" (over and over and over again). haha~ even as a kid i loved to sing~ my baby sister sang the cutest rendition of the "farmer in the dell" ever~ (with her southern accent mixed w/ her baby pronunciation.. haha~) we still have the video tape somewhere. ^^;;

maybe that's what we should do this christmas, sit around and watch old video tapes. hehe~

that made me feel a little better. *sigh*

one more week...

http://www.skateboardingbulldog.com/

hahaha~ so cute!

haven't done one of these in a while:

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

i don't think that's me. (other than the dramatic and easily hurt). oh well.

ok haejin, it's been 2 hours since ur exam. don't you think you should start studying?

she makes my day a little brighter.

whining and complaining ahead.

i've never felt worse after a test. even after the one that i failed last week.

now i'm going to gripe about the forced curve system in law school.

so, it's really unfair. there are 9 of us (JD's) in the class. the forced normalization is at 83%. that means that.. well, i don't really know what that means. but i do know that @ least one person has to fail and i have a gnawing, horrible suspicion that it's gonna be me. x( it sucks even more b/c it's a multiple choice test and there's a penalty for wrong answers. (supposedly it's supposed to neither hurt you or help you, but.. statistics never come out true for me). anyway, there's this really smart girl in my class (she's an LLM so i don't have to worry about being curved against her) but she knows everything in the class pretty much. anyway, as we were turning in the tests, i noticed how different our scantrons looked. T-T i'm only praying that he moved around questions for the different tests. (but i doubt it) *sniffle*

that was a mean thing for my prof to do. 20 multiple choice questions dictating our entire grade for the class. AND he specifically said that the last subject we did in class was not going to be on the final. AND IT WAS. AND things he said not to worry about during the review session WERE ON THE TEST. how sad i feel right now.

and i feel worse because i have 2 more finals next week plus that paper i haven't touched since thanksgiving.

boo boo boo boo boo.

yea yea, if you don't wanna hear it you didn't have to read it.

how sad..

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) -- An 8-year-old girl was suspended for nine days for bringing to school what appeared to be about 30 "Jell-O shots" -- though it was unclear whether they contained alcohol.

The incident occurred November 29, as the girl stood after classes outside Geraldine Boudreaux Elementary School in Terrytown, a New Orleans suburb. A teacher spotted liquid dripping out of the student's bookbag and found what looked like the small cups of alcohol-laced gelatin that are sold in bars, schools spokesman Jeff Nowakowski said.

The girl told the principal that her mother, who works in a bar, makes alcoholic shots at home and sells them at work. The fourth-grader said her mother had instructed her to take the shots to school and sell them, three for $1, to make some money for Christmas, Nowakowski said.

The gelatin was turned over to the sheriff's department for testing to see if it contained alcohol.

The girl was suspended for violating school rules against possessing or trying to distribute a "lookalike," or something that appears to contain drugs or alcohol.

Under the lookalike rule, the girl's suspension will stand no matter what the sheriff's department finds.

"The school system's position is, it doesn't matter if it had alcohol in it or not," Nowakowski said.

The names of the girl and her mother were not released.

The mother must also allow school officials to test her daughter's hair for signs of drug use, Nowakowski said.

i'm sure everyone's sick (and disgusted) of hearing this, but
i have the bestest boyfriend ever!

not only has he been staying with me at the library til ungodly hours of the night everyday since reading period began, today, he came with a BIG old care pacakge. xD and it had HARRY POTTER 3 in it!!! xD!! and he gave me all the good stuff too~~ fig newtons, twix, starbucks coffee, energy drink, milano cookies (!!my favorite!!), and and so much food!!

he's going to stay with me tonight too.

am i lucky or am i lucky???

thank you kangssi~~~~~!!!!

i'm so frustrated right now.

so i've been trying to go to one of my professor's OH's for the past week. last friday i went, and he made me feel like a complete idiot. but i didn't feel as bad about it b/c i really wasn't prepared. this wkend, all i did was tax so that i could talk to him today. obviously, i'm really worried about this test, right? i don't know what it is.. maybe he doesn't like me?? everytime i come and try to ask him questions he's not even looking at me. he does other things on his computer. he answers questions in the same demeaning way. he's a great professor otherwise. i really enjoyed his class and when i ask questions in class, during break or after, he's not as cold. so i don't get why he's like this.
i was prepared today, but he made me feel as if i wasn't. if i knew the answer to everything why would i need to go to OH!?!?? x(

what a sucky way to start the day.

too tired to think today.
need all the energy for my stupid tax.
need a break but have nowhere to go b/c i'm too lazy to lug my stuff back and forth.

*sigh* this week sucks already.

i'm SO TIRED!

my eyes have gone all funky.. donno what's wrong w/ me. xP

omg.. i've only been up since 8AM, and i slept a good amount. what is going on???

currently craving: baked doritos nacho flavor.

studying brings back cravings i used to have in berkeley (w/ some new ones). a couple of nights ago, i had to have jack in the box. haha~ 99cent tacos and chicken sandwich. YuuuummmM~~

holiday memory: i remember last Christmas, my parents weren't here b/c my dad was still in Japan and my mom when to visit him for the holidays. i think it was our first Christmas without both of my parents. it was odd and kinda anti-climatic. my parents sent gifts (and my niece got like 40 of them from my mom), but it just wasn't the same without them.

that's why i'm thankful that they're here this year. x)

happy thoughts y'all~

my nose started bleeding during class.
i'm not sure what that was a result of. there's no way that i've been studying that much to get a nosebleed... ??
but i'd like to say that it is because the tremendous amount of studying i've been doing, so i am going to adopt that statement to be my own:

today, my nose started bleeding because i've been studying so much.

holiday memory: ok, so this has nothing to do w/ christmas, but still a holiday memory. i remember when we lived in korea, there were fireworks for some reason. (i thought it was july 4, but then i realized we were in korea.. so why would we be celebrating america's independance??) anyway, i remember i was about 5 or 6. we had just taken a bath so we were nice and clean. my parents had to go somewhere that night, so they were getting us ready for bed and stuff. so we were sitting in our pj's and eating ramen when the fireworks started. i remember we sat near the window and just watched.

very random memory. haha~ but it must have meant something to me b/c i still remember it. ok.. maybe this wasn't a holiday memory.. haha~ maybe i'll put up another one later. x)

happy thoughts y'all~~

holiday memory: our first christmas in TN, we didn't have too much money, but my parents wanted to give us presents and the tree. so we had a rinky dink fake tree (that we continued to use up until last year) and my parents wrapped elmer's glue and candy canes shaped like wreaths. we were very happy. x)

happy thoughts y'all~