deep in thought

twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved...

the plug thing! it's not plugged!

hungry.


..and clearly not wanting to study.

thin lines

"americans are capable of 2 things: eating and shopping."
"it's called the 'american dream' cuz you gotta be sleepin to believe it."
-george carlin

"no meat means 'no thank you!'"
-me and jae (in my dream last night)

i found my song for the semester.

*sigh* (content)

you made it all
said let there be
and there was all that we see
the sound of your voice
the works of your hands
you do all things well...

sucCess does not equal fulfilling your purpose.

*grumble grumble*

damned coffee!

i truly have amazing friends.

*sigh of content*

why do i keep dreaming about things i shouldn't do b/c of how it will affect my career as an attorney???

last night's dream was probably one of the most disturbing i've had in a while.. but i won't post it, b/c it was that disturbing. let's just say it involved rapiers (i think that's what those fencing swords are called) and a failed attempt to kill someone very close to me.. then trying to justify not being able to take them to the hospital b/c then i'd be arrested and that would affect my career! i actually had an internal battle trying to determine if i should take them to the hospital!

i hope that this is not really what i feel/think. it really disturbs me.. b/c this is my second dream where i wonder how my actions will affect my future career.

Oh Lord, please don't let me get so caught up in what I will be doing for a living.. help me to remember there is nothing on this earth worth it.

so screwed.

..and another rejection. how much more can i take?

probably a lot more. x)

it was HAILING in los angeles today!

my trip to berkeley made me realize a lot of things, things i won't post here, don't worry. i guess it's all true what they say...

can you believe the whole time we were there i woke up earlier than i ever do here? haha~

a special thanks to chris and her parents for making our visit so much fun. x) seriously the best moments were having dinner with chris' dad and the tidbits of convo's we had with her mom. x) thanks so much chris!

and thank you to lila for driving, even after all the events that almost made this trip not happen. and i'm so glad it did. x)

and now back to school. i feel like i've been away for an entire summer. i really need to get my act together. so if i'm MIA, please call me and make sure i haven't killed myself yet.

went to knott's scary farm last wkend w/ a whole gaggle of ppl. it was fun watching other ppl get scared, muahahah~

it's weird, while i'm in the maze i'm thinking, "omg, wth am i doing here??? omg, i'm so scaaaarrreeedd!!!" then when i get out, i think, "that wasn't so bad.. that was fun!" this starts all over when i get into another maze.

oh, and don't get me started on the rides. -__-;; seriously.. no matter what kind of ride it is, i get butterflies and start hyperventilating while waiting to (be forced to) ride it. stupid log ride. xP

that's what i like about my bf. he doesn't make me do anything i don't want to. x) thanks for not making me ride those rides.

speaking of my bf, we were thinking of names for my new niece, and i was saying i liked the name arwen (from LOTR). then i was sayin, "hmm, 'liv' isn't so bad either." then kevin says, "liv ahn" and we both looked at each other and started cracking up.

liv ahn~

if you don't enjoy my postings on my dreams, don't read them. xP

i parked my car outside school, where i usually park it. when i came out to look for my car, it was no longer there! during the few hours i was in class, the city had added diagonal parking spaces. i thought maybe i parked it in a wrong spot, so i ran up and down the street, but i couldn't find it. i called my older sister and told her my car got towed. she asked me what i was going to do. i was in tears by now. i looked at my watch and saw it was 3 p.m. i still had 6 hrs til my next class, so i told her i would have to find a ride to the towing yard and get my car back.

i called some number to find out which lot my car was at. they asked me for the make, model, and license number (which i don't know in real life, btw). when i told them, they told me someone was coming to get me and there was a problem with my car. i started freaking out, but he told me to stay where i was and someone would come get me shortly.

i waited, and sure enough, a helicopter came to pick me up. i was so confused. what's going on?? the guy in the helicopter said there was traces of contamination in my car and i couldn't get it back. he wouldn't tell me any more. soon another helicopter with the words "federal government" on the side came up alongside the copter i was in. there were two hollywood-type federal agents. they turned and started asking me questions about my car - like, when i had parked it, what i had been doing, etc. i answered all the questions. they seemed to be satisfied. when i asked what was going on, they said something about the contamination but did not elaborate. they continued to fly me somewhere.

when we landed, they finally told me the contamination was traces of a dead body. i was completely dumbstruck. they took me to my car, and it was shattered to bits. the windshield was smashed, the front of my car was bent and broken.. it was just a complete mess. they continued to spin this tale about what they thought had happened. i kept repeating over and over, "this doesn't even look like my car. are you sure it's mine?"

then one of the agents told me i was the only suspect. the other agent said i seem to be even more suspicious because i was showing signs of passive aggressiveness. i was like, "WHAT?!" i crumpled to the ground and stared to rock back and forth, dry heaving.

after some attempts to convince them otherwise, i gave up and i agreed to be a suspect because somehow i knew if i didn't agree, i wasn't going to be allowed to go home. i was still crying when the agents took me to the prosecutors (a girl and a guy). the guy looks at me and says something along the lines of, "what is this? she does not make a credible suspect!" and i'm just sitting there crying. i called haemie again to tell her that i was being charged for murder of a body they hadn't found. my sister was like, "what?! you don't even have a weapon!" and i told her "the car is the weapon."

all along, in my mind, i know something's not right b/c they can't charge me w/ this crap. i didn't do anything! i overhear the prosecutor guy is talking to the agents. he asks them what evidence they have, and the agent says, "she owns the car." and in my head i'm thinking, "that's not enough probable cause!"

the prosecutor comes over to talk to me. i'm still crying. he asks me if i'm really willing to be a suspect. i look at him, and ask, "i know this may not be an appropriate question.. i mean, i know someone died, and i feel awful asking this question, but but will this affect my career? i mean, as a professional in the future?" and the prosecutor looked straight at me and said, "that's a good girl. that's the kind of questions you should be asking!"

then i woke up.

i kept going back to sleep, cuz i wanted to see who killed who and what happens to me, but it never resolved. i just stopped dreaming. x( that sucks.