my bf's the best!
flaming hot cheetos, gummy bears, my favorite drink (fuze, and a new flavor!), a STARBUCKS GIFT CARD, and more candy!

*sigh*

seriously, how did i get so lucky?

people are drawn to people who can't help themselves. i think it's because most people like to help other people because then they feel needed and that gives them purpose in life, or at least for that short period of time. i think that's why many times i acted like i couldn't when i could. especially with guys. i've found that in most situations, it's actually the easiest way to get to know someone and the fastest way to get over a fight.

but even though i was acting, i really wasn't.. if that makes any sense. i really wanted someone to be there for me, so in that sense, i guess i really couldn't do it alone.

but as i get older, i guess i'm just getting tired of these mind games. i just want to be able to help someone when they need help and be helped when i need help w/o complications. wow. how can something so simple be so hard?

i also think it's because i've spent so much of my life being dependent on others i've lost a sense of who i am. haha, that almost sounds ridiculous. i'm having an identity crisis @ age 24. how stupid is that?

i think it's time i stood on my own. and it's time i become the person people look to when they're in need. as hard as it may be to believe, i really like being needed. it does give a person a sense of fulfillment when they feel like they were able to fulfill someone else's need, doesn't it?

need me, people! i need you to need me.

when it rains it pours...

I will sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy

(Jars of Clay - Valley Song)

i just don't wanna.

just yesterday, i had a mini-panic attack b/c i realized it's less than 10 days til my first 2 finals, which happen to be the 2 classes i am the most behind and totally lost in. i was determined to study my ass off for the next few weeks until i will finally be done with my second to last semester of law school.

today, i just don't feel like dealing with any of it. i donno. all of my strength, any willpower i had yesterday is all gone. and i don't care. i almost don't care if i fail all my classes this semester.

to be totally honest, i don't care about anything. is this what it feels likes? this feeling of total defeat + apathy. i just don't have the energy to do anything about anything anymore. and if i don't do it, and i lose it all, i'll be ok with it. i could curl up and just stop being and that could possibly be the only thing that would make me happy right now.

i'm just so exhausted.

no, i'm not depressed. and please don't ask me "what's wrong?" b/c i just don't feel like dealing with anyone right now. i don't want your sympathy, your empathy, your anything. let me be my selfish self and stay out of my path.

kim jong gook in my ear is heavenly.

...mmMmmmmmmMmmmMMmm...

i have a splitting headache.

i was thinking last night that i don't spend enough time reflecting anymore.. i'm so self-absorbed.

i had a rough couple of weeks.. and it looks like it's just going to get worse.

really though, i'm not complaining. i can think of much worse situations. at least i have my health, family and friends. and that's just @ the very top. i have so much more to be grateful for.

now, if i could learn to put this knowledge to practical application, my life would be set.

typical convo btwn the bf and i:

me: wat u gonna do for the rest of the night?
bf: i donno. prolly just go online.
me: you should go jogging.
bf: i went this morning.
me: go again.
bf: why don't YOU go?
me: i went yesterday. oh, i know, you should do sit-ups.
bf: you do them.
me: i do!
bf: well, it's not working!

x( he's just a big jerk. i was just giving him suggestions for what he could do for the rest of night instead of wasting it online b/c i care about him and he has to go and tell me that i'm fat beyond repair.

JERK!!

doode, this girl in front of me is really giving it to her laptop -- she's typing so hard, i can feel the reverberations from my side (beyond the fact that she's shaking my desk too). i think it's a little worse because i'm listening to music w/ my earphones on, and i can hear and feel this: thu-thu-thu-thump thu-thu-thu-thu-thump thu-thu-thu-thu-thump..

you get the idea.

i think i've found someone who types louder than me! (yes, that's possible kevin, you jerk).

omg, johnny depp is so hot:

haha

X bYuLgZr X: alex
X bYuLgZr X: why do i have to study?
X bYuLgZr X: why can't i be a genious and just understand w/o studying?
Alex S Hyun: haha..cuz you're not a genius
Alex S Hyun: haha...cuz you can't spell it

For you haejin:

man is this day bringing it.

unfailing love

today's been one of those days.. you know? but then i'm reminded of God's love, and it makes me realize i must be continually thankful.

bring it, day.

And everything, You hold in your hand.. Still you make time for me, I can’t understand..

Lord help me to think beyond myself.

i'm tired and i don't want to study.

does anyone want to go running with me? just twice a week for starters then 3 times.. then 4 times.. and etc. i don't even need you to run with me, i just need you to run and tell me to run. anyone?

this is going to be a long night.

scratch that

i don't even get to go to the advanced screening, as i found out this morning at 6 a.m. as i was driving my sister and her friend to the airport.

they suck.

"what was that? i'm too cute? thank you, but i already know."

"my name is princess heaven, and i am a chung-shi."

must.. study.....

sheer dumb luck

so my little sister's friend won advanced screening tickets to watch harry potter from kiis fm this wkend. when they first called me to tell me, i was in utter shock. how could she have won? i've never got through, even when i'm trying to call when there are no contests/caller 102 things going on. but somehow she got thru TWICE b/c when she first called, she was caller 72. she hung up, and called back to be 102! luckily she decided to take me, so i was happy.

so when my little sister called me to tell me she also won the trip to NY to meet the cast and watch the world premiere of harry potter, i told her she was lying. i think we were shouting at each other for like 5 mins before i believed her. (while ppl were staring at me. i was in line for the chris tomlin concert last night).

somehow she won the grand prize drawing!! so now my stupid little sister and her stupid friend esther get to go to NY this wkend, watch the harry potter world premiere, AND MEET THE CAST!!!!!!! harry potter, ron weasley, OLIVER WOOD! VIKTOR KRUM!!

*sigh*

i'm so jealous.

at least i still get to watch the advanced screening of harry potter this wkend.

but still... that just doesn't compare.

seriously.. sheer dumb luck.

dong bang shing gee is SOOO CUTE! *sigh* youknow yoonho..

*sigh*

my life story

i like val kilmer even more:

Speaking of Paris Hilton, her continued march towards global domination isn't sitting well with Val Kilmer. "She is famous for nothing," the puffy former Iceman coldly tells the Sunday Mail. "It is what we celebrate -- the nothingness of her fame."

ok, ok.. so i admit it.. naruto is freakin addictive...