still no typhoon, but lots of wind.. hmm... my laundry`s drying outside.. do you think it`ll fly away? i hope not.... haha, or the japanese ppl are gonna be very upset for the next 3 weeks.

it`s been a very hectic/crazy weekend. i took the shinkansen (bullet train) to tokyo on friday night and 5 hours later, i greeted my mom at one of the many train stations i had visited that night.. xP travelling in japan is NOT fun (in my opinion). i did some very interesting reading tho (the one about music and church..) altho like the retard that i am, i left the book with all the questions that i had at my dad`s in tokyo a $100+ train ride away... no, about $250 for round-trip.. *sigh* so he has to send it to me now. wat a putz i am. xP

i had a lot of fun in tokyo. we went to a bon-odori festival, which is this huge dance thing. we learned some really old-school dances to this very strange and slightly annoying traditional japanese music. basically, there were all these ppl in kimonos and stuff like that dancing the same dance around a circle. the dances were simple enough. haha, but it was really funny to watch my dad and mom do it. haha! we got it on video too. haha! that took the whoooooooole day, which made me kind of sad, cuz i didn`t get to explore tokyo at all. sunday, i went to my dad`s church, where the sermon was a little bit too long, but they did play music and sing hymns, not psalms. after that, i got to do a lil exploring in tokyo.. to be more exact, i had to go to one store. xP but it was a store that i had wanted to check out so it`s all good. then we got a dinner invite from these people from my dad`s church. (the son is a senior at tx univ, and my mom was subtly trying to hook me up with him.. -__-;; and i thought my mom was better that that...) we had sushi rolls (ick..) but it was kinda cool, cuz this big conveyor belt kind of thing went around and we just picked what we wanted. the non-sushi stuff was quite good. i had one type of sushi.. but it was really a small amount. it was ok. nothing to get excited about tho.. we ate soo much tho. hehe~ then i had that dreaded ride back to kobe. x( and wouldn`t you know, i missed my stop because i fell asleep. *sigh* so i had to take the subway (which i`ve never ridden) to the subway station here. when i got up, i had no clue where i was, so i was wandering around aimlessly for like an hour before i finally found a payphone to call the dorm and get directions. seriously...i was down every street except for the one i lived in. i hate getting lost and yet i seem to do it so often! x( *sigh* no fun...

tomorrow we leave for korea! (DAE~ HAN MIN GOOK!) i`m sooooooooOoooOoooOOOoooOo excited!!!! i can`t wait! yeeeee heeeeee~ hehe.. so, i shall write more about that later..

for now.. i guess this is all. hee.. byeeeeee

it`s still humid. they say that there`s a typhoon that`s supposed to hit us soon. supposed to hit tonight, but it didn`t... hmm...

it`s almost 12 am here. but i still have a few more things to do before going to sleep... x) so far, it`s been a very tremendous blessing. i feel very bad cuz we`re supposed to be of help to the Japanese Christians here, but i feel like we`re more of a burden.. like today, we had VBS at another nearby church. they not only served us lunch, but they paid for our transportation AND then they PAID us for our services.. (2000 yen/person, which is about $20..) we tried to give it back, but they refused. then they gave us ice cream, then they gave us face towels..cute ones too! (it`s very popular here to have a face towel cuz u sweat so much... everyone has one..) anyway, we were there to help, but we ended up coming back with so much more than we had left with. xP that`s one of the hardest things here. i don`t think many of the pastors understand why we`re here, so they treat us as they would any of their church members. it`s very hard... *sigh*

another thing is that i`ve been very much challenged in my faith. because this missions trip is sponsored by a reformed presb. church. i didn`t think that there would be that much of a diff, but actually, it`s quite different. for example, they only sing psalms because they`re straight from the Bible. and they don`t think that having accompaniment (instruments) is correct. so they just sing with their voices. (i`m actually reading a book about that.. i`ll tell you why when i finish) i`ve been having difficulty just because praise is such a big part of my worship to God. it doesn`t help that we`re singing the psalms in japanese.. -__-;; i`m trying to not get caught up in little things like that, but at the same time, those little things are very much weighing me down.. it makes it hard to worship because i`m not used to it.. hopefully, these books will help (there`s a small lib here with lots of books... the other non-RP girl looked up a whole bunch and she wants to read it.. and i`m going to try to read them as well.. maybe it will help me to understand better)... but yeah, me and her had this long talk today about that. and how in many ways we feel discouraged because with some things they are very much "my way or no way". in other things, they are very understanding, but.. some things they aren`t.. and i`ve come to really resent singing the psalms. they really do nothing for me.. i concentrate so much on tryin to sing these tunes that i don`t know.. with these words that don`t quite touch me in any way.. even though it is the psalms.. i don`t know.. maybe i`m not trying hard enough...

anyway.. x) enough ranting... it has been a big encouragement to be here. i know that there is a greater reason for my being here. thank you for your prayers and support!!! email me with your address if you want a postcard! x) i miss you all!

i`m here... it`s sooooo humid!! i sent an email to some ppl. if you weren`t on that list and would like updates... please email me with ur email addy. i`ll try to make a mailin list from them.. x) i miss you all!!!! byulgzr@hotmail

so it's finally come time to leave....

i've been trying to frantically finish up everything before i leave.. it's been pretty harrowing... cleaning the apt for my subletters, tryin to get the last minute stuff that i was supposed to have already bought... tryin to write my thank you cards.. supposed to be finished with the reading.. xP omy.. it never ends.. so i gotta see if i got everything packed.. but it's kind of hard cuz i'm not even really sure what i'm supposed to be packin. i'm trying to take into consideration everything, but in doing so, i think that i might take too much. xP and i'm not supposed to have that much stuff. as i was packin, i realized how material i am. xP really.. here i am packing for missions, but i can't seem to choose which articles of clothing to leave out. xP they strongly suggested that we take a week's worth of clothing, but.. basically... i think i took enough clothes for the entire month. so i tried to go back and take out some stuff, but i ended up only taking out a few clothes.. x( i'm such a reject, really... i don't know why clothes means so much to me.. x( *sigh* even the preparations for missions is showing me how sinful i am. how connected to this world i am. x( what is wrong with me.... *sigH* so i have to re-re pack. xP cuz i've already re-packed once.. but i guess i should look thru my clothes again.. i know that the weather is supposed to be stinkin hot.. but i should take a light sweater or something, right? xP i don't know mang.. i really don't know....

back to my 'to do' list....

AHHH! i'm going to miss my kids SOOOOO MUCH!!!

they were all so cute today~~~ grant, woojin.. omg~~ woojin!!! he straight up slobbered a kiss on my mouth today!! i was SOOOO happy~~ haha~ girsty said that i got all red.. omg~~ SOOO CUTE!! and when i told grant that i was gonna miss him, he said, "why don't you call me?" AHHH!!! why are they so cute?!?! i was seriously gonna cry.. i was wonderin what would happen when i would have to say goodbye to them forever. i'm going to be bawling. they're all goin to forget me!! T-T i was so sad...

so i'm using a new keyboard. last night, i was drinkin coffee, and i spilled some on my keyboard.. T-T the result was that it died.. a slow and painful death. *sniffle* first the 't' key wasn't working.. then the entire right side.. then the top and bottom keys.. T-T i was SOOO sad.. so i'm using my friend's keyboard.. kinda weird.. different..T-T i miss my keyboard.

i'm tired.. omg.. i have so much to do tho.. *sigh* will i be up again? we'll see....

aaah~ shower is so nice!!!

jst got back from vbs. omg... soooooo tiring~ but good of course. i don't know... sometimes i think that the kids at kcpc are wayyy too spoiled, but then again.. they are soo cute! hehe~ but it did test me mentally, spiritually, and definitely physically. omg..... it was bad.. i'm sooo sore!

i noticed that even in the things that i do to glorify God.. things that i want to do in order to praise Him and things like that.. i always pervert it to become something for my own gain.. xP as if me doing it will bring me more recognition or something. hmm, it's kind of hard to explain without giving u a specific example.. haha, and i guess i'd rather not give a specific example.. xP hehe~ cuz then.. yeah... jst.. i don't want to...

so here i am... needing to do a lot of stuff before my departure this thursday.. but i'm blogging.. *sigH* this is really bad.. but i need to get these thoughts out of my head i guess...

hehe too bad these thoughts are so jumbled they wouldn't make much sense to anyone.. not even me.... hmmm...i'll get back to you on this later....

haha~ ok.. i know that girls are always gettin mad at guys for being so mean.. but we can be just as mean.. haha~

allykid504: ew...that gross "you say i'm just a friend" video is on
X bYuLgZr X: hahaha
X bYuLgZr X: that guy is SO ugly!
X bYuLgZr X: hahaha
allykid504: i'm hoping there's still room for improvement since he's still young
X bYuLgZr X: hahaa
X bYuLgZr X: i kno
X bYuLgZr X: fo reals
X bYuLgZr X: maybe if he worked out..?
X bYuLgZr X: he's jst hideous lookin
X bYuLgZr X: haha
allykid504: yeah and the saddest part is when he say, "i know you think i'm fine"
X bYuLgZr X: hahaha
X bYuLgZr X: i kno~~
X bYuLgZr X: hahahahaha
allykid504: so sad

hahaha~ we are so mean! but i was just bustin up when she said that

i amaze myself sometimes...

i remember freshman year i used to get about 6-8 hours of sleep on average.. a week haha~ sophomore year too. i didn't sleep much. but i got along fine. i was more energetic then too. i used to laugh at the juniors and seniors who went to sleep so friggin early. then junior year, i started to understand.. my body can't keep up! x( i needed 6-8 hrs of sleep a night last year. xP and now, i can't even pull one all nighter without feeling really crappy. like.. right now.. i feel like i'm going to die.. and i didn't even pull and all nighter~ i slept from 7-11. *sigH* my body is deteriorating~ how sad~~~ i think it makes it worse cuz i'm just at work.. sitting here.. xP in front of this danged computer... x( i actually have some stuff to do.. (not of horrible importance or urgency) but yeah.. my eyes are hurting.. xP i think i might leave early.. xP but then again. maybe not.. *sigh* i came into work late, as usual.. so i should stay til the end.. omg... but can my body make it????

i'm kinda scared...

so i can't seem to find a phone number for the missions organization that i'm going with.. it's really been hard trying to get a hold of them and trying to get info about my fundraising status. my mom is getting worried too. and she's been asking me questions, and i don't have the answers to any of them.. she keeps asking if they're a valid organization.. and i thought they were but now i'm wondering too.. mom's have a way of doing that. *sigH* and this is all 1 week before i leave. what the heck....

i know that i have about a bazillion things to do before i leave but now i'm just worried... like really worried... please pray for me... that i can get off my lazy butt and find out wat's going on.. and that everything turns out.

i have eye candy!!! *sigh* wat a good day it has been!

owww~ i papercut my lip.. T-T the hazards of office work... xP

Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.
Satyr
Water with Earth

Astrologically associated with Scorpio and the Eighth House

Satyr types are warm and sociable but also enigmatic and mysterious. They are sensitive to others’ feelings and moods and are extremely insightful and perceptive. They feel a need to relate intimately with others and they often do so through sensual pleasures. However, they also have a tendency to be cautious and guarded and they need to maintain their privacy. This behavior confuses others and makes them appear unpredictable and capricious. They want to control over themselves and others in order to feel secure. They also want to merge with others to feel a sense of unity. They are frequently attracted to art and design, especially if it involves the natural world. They have a deep love of nature. They are imaginative and enjoy combining their creative urges with sensual pleasures in a productive way.



Your Shadow Creature

Fire Types
All the Fire types have problems relating to anger and aggression. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.
Dragon
Fire and Air

This shadow is unreasonable, self-contradictory, and expedient. Pseudo-logic and tangled references to poorly understood arguments are used simply to justify current behavior. They are conceited and think that the usual social restrictions should not apply to them. They are snobbish, arrogant, and opportunistic. Their ostentation and name-dropping indicates an underlying sense of worthlessness. They want to succeed but lack the necessary drive, so they bathe in reflected glory. In their self-defeating attempts to do this they may give up their freedom and dignity. The biggest obstacle of weak Air is to overcome prejudice and ignorance; the biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression.


yes i am very bored...

who is this guy? -__-;; me? romantic? ahahah~ funny..

definitely not me..

Romantic

Mixed in your emotions, nothing in your life really seems to matter except for your ideals and dreams..


Find out what bishonen you are.

how sad.... haha~ maybe i've been chillin with girsty too much... xD

Huh?

Generally you have good intentions, but you just aren't all there all the time. You're scatterbrained and you generally don't think before you act. Common sense left you long ago.


Find out what anime character cliche you are.

i have a little bit more than an hour left here... *sigh*

on the way back up from berkeley, we had a very interesting conversation.. or.. i listened in on a very interesting coversation. there was a lot of theology/Bible involved so it was really eye-opening to just listen. you know.. ppl surpise me sometimes... i can't really say wat it was that we talked about, cuz in all honesty i was a lil lost. lost but at the same time very intrigued. i donno.. hehe~ i should really read the Bible more. *sigh* but the thing that i got out of the conversation the most was how much u can learn if u jst listen. i know me and my big mouth is always getting me into trouble. it was so amazing how much stuff u can learn if u jst sit and listen for a while. i wish i were better at listening instead of spewing out nonsense. xP i also saw how much more encouraging it is to others and for yourself to talk about good things about ppl instead of venting about ppl's faults. -__-;; i was very humbled yesterday...

and evelyn.. about ur missions question.. personally, i don't think that you HAVE to go out and evangelize. it is very important, but the reason that it's important is because we're trying to share what we know. share how great God is. it's such good news that we can't just keep it to ourselves.. it's soooo great that we can't contain it and it just wants to explode and tell other people. like if you get a really good grade or something, you want to let other people know.. it's kinda like the same thing.. God is sooooo good that you want other people that you care about to know about Him. u know what i mean? hehe... i hope that helps... and if i said anything wrong at all, please correct me~ i'm glad that you're thinking about bringing a non-Christian to church.. x) we need more people to do that. including myself. God is great~ let's share Him!!

i miss my phone... *sniffle* you better take good care of it munchkin!! T-T boo hooo~~

*whew*

i'm back from home.. it was nice to be home, but kinda boring. i got hooked on korean dramas again.. xP stinkin.. i didn't really do much. lots of chillin... a few movies. the beach.. some family, some friends.. hehe~ the usual. hopefully everyone's fourth of july's were interesting.

yummm, gogurt on toast. x) lovely's a sweetie~ she put out toast for me.. hehe~ i forgot the water.. *sigh* oops..

i'm kinda sad.. i have to go shopping for shorts and for tennis shoes.. but these are things that i don't usually buy.. so i have no clue where to go.. how much to pay, etc etc. pooey~ someone help me!

well, i guess i should get to work.. but don't worry~ i shall be back! hehe

i a m v e r y b o r e d ! ! ! 2 5 m o r e m i n u t e s ! ! ! a h h h h h h h ~ ! !

*clever*

You are intelligent and highly curious, which sometimes makes people think that you are evil.


What fuzzy creature are you?

The Original Animated Superman

Take the Cartoon Hero Quiz?.

The crazy girl in the shadows.

What you do best is attract boys and drink sakai. In fact, you probably have a hang-over right now.

Find out what anime girl you are.

this blog is dedicated to a certain girl (i hope you know who you are)..

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.
Psalm 110:10

you are a very smart girl. but head smarts isn't everything. x) remember that this world is not permanent, ok? you can do anything that you put your mind to. i know that you're a very smart girl so don't get too stressed out about things like that. it's good to study, but it's not good to stress about it all the time.. stress is good, but not when it makes u so sad. be happy! x) God gave you good brains~~~ ok?!

it's so crazy sometimes... how God is so good.

i know that yesterday i was havin some issues. especially with missions and everything.. trusting in God is something that i've never been really good at, so when things looked like it was going to crumble.. i immediately panicked. xP i've been having some financial problems. one of them being my rent while i'm gone for missions. i just didn't have enough to pay for rent while i was gone. and since i wouldn't be working, that would leave me pretty much penniless. last night, out of sheer resignation, i asked God to open a door for me somehow. this morning, i get a call from lovely and she asks if she can sublet my place. i couldn't believe it! seriously.. how can God show me so much love when i keep on doubting Him? x( i'm such a horrible daughter. wow... GOD is SO GOOD! He's so good to me!!!

Lord, thank you for the challenges that you bring in my life.

i know that as a Christian, we are supposed to put our trust in God. we know that God has already planned out everything according to His will. we know that His will is so much bigger and better than what we could fathom. we know that He has never let us down before. we know that God is a loving God and that He has great things planned for us. yet i find myself wallowing in my own stupidity all the time. i find myself wonderin... worrying.. xP why am i so faithless? how am i supposed to go out and demonstrate my faith when i can't even do it for myself? and when i can't defend my faith here, how am i supposed to do it there? as it draws closer for my departure date, i find myself getting more and more worried. more anxious. more faithless. why am i going? if i can't answer that question, why am i going??

oww.. i stapled my finger.. T-T i left a blood spot on one of the resumes that i was xeroxing.... whoops......

i don't know if the queasy feeling that i get every time i think of missions is normal. -__-;; my stomach literally churns when i think about how soon i'm leaving and all the stuff that needs to be taken care of and all the preparation that i haven't done... and being in japan for 1 month.. away from home, away from berkeley, away from everyone/everything that i know. i know that i always complain about how much i hate berkeley, and how unwelcome even home feels. but it's what i know! it's comfortable for me even tho i complain. deep down inside, these places are the only places i know... i don't know any of the girls that are going. this will be the first time in my life that i am going somewhere i don't know a single soul. well.. i guess my daddy will be in japan, but i don't even know if i get to see him (i think we're about a 6 hr train ride from each other....) i guess i can always call him and cry to him tho.

i have butterflies... really. it's scary.. before i was excited, then blah.. now completely and totally petrified. i've been reading the training materials.. omg.. what if i totally screw up? i'm supposed to look at things thru the lens of God.. but i definitely am not good at that. i'm sooooooo prone to complain.. prone to fall.. prone to judge quickly! i know that it all depends on God.. that nothing can be done without Him, but why am i going?

O Lord, please calm my heart. Help me to concentrate.. Help me to focus on what is important. Lord be my eyes. Help me to see things thru Your eyes. Help me to love the unlovable. Help me to help out in any way that i am able. Help me to remember why i am going..

ta su ke tte! o ne ga i~~

i saw the sun rise this morning.. seriously, that coffee was keeping me up. xP to make things worse i had a 3 hr nap after church. so my body was refusing to go to sleep. it's so strange.. it's these days that i make it to work earlier. xP maybe i should sleep less...

birds chirping..... never a good sign....

stinkin coffee.... -___-;;