ok.. somehow someone changed my comments thingie to say "poseurs" weirdos...

I'm extremely bored. AHH! Save me......

home is good.. so far. we'll see how long this lasts.

proof of how all the good genes went to my other sisters: my little sister got approached by a model scout. haha~ not like i'm like "o wow, i'm so proud," but that's pretty big. apparently this lady approached her and asked her if she ever modeled cuz she held herself like a model. she left her card and told her to call. scam? ferreals? who knows...my sister didn't call though. anywho... time to work on my christmas presents. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

4 vb nhjrt bgn [b0nq[b30j 7y2256 3q4
*head hitting keyboard cuz I keep losing consciousness*

I am so freakin done!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH it feels so good!!!!

I ran into Diane, one of my bosses, this morning on the way to my final. She gave me a home-baked cookie to take with me. xD So I got a nice little sugar rush. yummmm~

The final wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...considering I didn't go to class for the last month or so, and I didn't study as much as I should have. Like the 3 hours spent at girsty's watching Anne of Green Gables? It woulda been nice to have those hours back this morning at 7 when I was still going over my review questions...for the first time, of course. Yea, considering all that, it wasn't all that bad. I think I did pretty well, in fact.

Even if I didn't.. WHATEVER. I'm done! I don't care~ woo hoo!

I can't wait to go home. It would have been nice to go home after my final, but I had to come to work. So here I am.. blogging it away. *shrug shoulders*

Oh~ My bosses are all sooo sweet!! They got me a nice little hand-painted Cal ornament. And, of course, CHOCOLATE! *yumMmmMmmMm* Doode, I have it sooo good here~! And there's all these cookies and chocolates in every corner of the room for people to eat. It's so nice~!

It would be nicer to be in my warm bed right now... but then again, when I go to the apt, I have to clean.. which I'm definitely not looking forward to..

Doode~ I need a ride tm!! Does anyone want to take me to the airport at 6AMish? (7 flight). Let me know please~~~~

P.S. I'M DONE!

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–¾“ú‚Ü‚Å�B�B�Bjust a few more hours.. JUST ONE MORE!

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I was just inspired by Jenn...hehe~

It is almost 9:30 PM. I have a final in less than 11 hours. I just woke up. Yea, talk about screwed.

I tried to wake up (honestly!) by 6 PM. I had very many people calling me and trying to make sure that I was up (thanks guys~), but I just couldn't get up. It could be the culmination of my sleepless nights, and so I just crashed after I came back from work. Last night was yet another all-niter, but this one wasn't that bad. x) I've had 2 all-niters for school, and 2 all-niters just talking w/ people. Last night was the latter. I had this great idea to go home at midnight and eat pasta w/ meat and onions, no sauce (it's a lot better than you would expect, but we felt like we should be communicating in grunts), w/ girsty. But Jenn was trying to walk home alone! So girsty and I said that we'd walk her. She said that she was going to go home to study some more so we invited her to come and eat and "study" with us. x) Misery loves company, right? I'm so glad that she came. ^^

We didn't get much studying done, but it was really nice. We talked about random things, and it was just a time of mad grubbing and chillin. I love my underclassmen. I know that I've been really busy these days, and that's been my excuse. There are so many people that I want to get to know better, but my self-centered view makes it hard for me to reach out to them. I am so thankful that I've met the people that I have met, but even with close friends, I've found myself pulling away. I know that being alone is important, but not so much that I am always alone. After all, God did create Eve to be Adam's helper...and friend.

*sigh* It makes me sad that I will soon be leaving and leaving all these wonderful people behind. I will always have the memories, but I think that will just make me ache for it more. When else will I be able to stay up until the wee hours of the morning making fun of girsty's fingers, I mean toes (muahaha~ I love you girsty! *wave*)? When else will I get a chance to get to know someone a little better by inviting them over to stay over and study and eat with me? When else will there be gajillions of people at the library--all suffering together, yet finding the time to come by and drop by some encouragement? When else will I have all this accountability? When else will people call me to wake me because I left a message on my AIM asking them to?

I gotta take advantage of the time I have left...

Lord, thank You for everything. For the things that You have taught me here. For the people that You have allowed my paths to cross with. For the love that you have demonstrated through these people. For being so good to me...

Before I go: Flushing NY ahahahahahaahahah~~~ !!!

The last day!!! WE CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the love...

X bYuLgZr X (6:57:41 PM): you know you can't live without me
GGCL9 (6:58:46 PM): yeah, just like crack. You're stuck with it til you die :-(

Today.. I woke up at 4PM. I missed OH's that my GSI had set aside just for me. T-T *sigh* I guess I really don't want to do well in this class.

I only woke up because Carroll, that sweetie, brought me some chicken udon. YUMMM~

Now it's time for me to go to the library. What did I do for 3 hours you ask? I just saw Austin Powers.... yea, I know.. I'm such a dork.

P.S. I kicked myself really hard before I went to sleep. My keys were hanging on my keyhanger thingie. *sigh* IDIOT!

I'M HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today has to rank there among one of the worst days ever, and it's only 7 AM.

I left the library with Basile at 3:30 AM. I have not gotten into my apt yet. During that time, I woke up 3 people (I'm so sorry kristy, danlee, and jae eun). I am an idiot. I locked myself out of my apt. What great timing! Hyewon just went home today, so I have absolutely no other choice but to wait for my manager to call me.

I'm so sorry Basile that you had to be dragged around in the rain like that on the day of your final. T-T

I'M SO SORRY EVERYONE THAT I HAD TO BOTHER/WAKE UP FOR MY OWN STUPIDITY!

I'M SORRY KRISTY!

I'M SORRY DANLEE!

I'M SORRY JAE EUN!

I'M SORRY JAE KYUNG!

I'M SORRY BASILE!

It was so weird. As soon as I stepped outside, it started raining. Not just drip drop, but like pouring. When we left the library, it wasn't raining at all, but then as we made it to my apt, it started to get heavier and heavier. When we were locked out of my apt, and standing there looking like fools, the rain was just pouring. When we were chillin at Jae's until 6:30 (cuz I thought that my manager would be up by then. Obviously, he's not), it stopped raining. I stepped outside at 6:30 to go back to my apt. It starts to PELT FISTFULS of water, which just turned into rain. What the heck?!

I HATE it when I do things that I could have prevented. At this moment in time, I don't know where my keys are. I'm praying that they're in my apt, but then I'm going to kick myself REALLY REALLY hard for being so dumb and leaving them. (and for bothering so many people at freakin 4 AM!) But if they're not in my apt, I don't know what I'm going to do...

Right now, I should just get some sleep while I wait for Jeff to call me. I hope he calls me soon. T-T

I didn't even get any studying done!!! arg!

I miss you girsty!! I'm at the library. -__-;; Level D for tonight. I was going to stay all night, but my stomach is just... hating me. It's an all out war in there. T-T Must go home...

As for this final. I know that I can do well if I just studied. And I can even change my grade and perhaps even get my first A in an Econ class. But... I just can't seem to find the motivation mang. None whatsoever. We'll see what happens...

Dang the library is pretty empty tonight. It's just down to me and Basile. All those weak sauces~~ *rawr*

howdy this is basile =D i made up a new word... it's called "vocabumalary"... ooOOOooo... i'll let you think about that one. okay that's enough time to think about it. vocabulary + mal = vocabumalary... u know, like malaria... that bad stuff, and uh mal in latin something about bad stuff... so it's like bad vocabulary... but it's vocabumalary... if you ever watched "kung pow" it's similar to his created word... badong... u know, something that's bad and wrong... so he says it's badong... instead of something goonotbad.

hehe, that was Basile's 2 cents there for ya.

This is sad!! What am I doing?!

I know I wrote about this before, but I just wanted to give a little encouragement to the sisters.. (haha)

At AWANA dinner, one of the girls was talkin about how the parents are freakin out that we aren't hooked up. "The land is so BARREN after college! You need to find someone now!" say the parents. But I say that we still have hope. You know how I do research for the donors, and a part of that research is to check if they were alums, etc. Anywho, the trend is that there aren't that many people who were alums together, meaning they couldn't have met at college.

So don't worry~ we will meet SOMEONE outside of berkeley. (Since we know that we ain't meeting anyone here..)

Everyone has probably heard about poor Steve Noh. x( We went to visit him, and Andy's right. He was quite cute in his doctor-made vest. xD

After Steve fell, I guess Sharon was scolding Morgan for having pulled him in the first place. Doode, it was pretty scary. Morgan, as usual, was not listening and was more concerned with getting on Sharon's lap. So Sharon, with her scary look, said, "No, Morgan. Stand. You're not a baby." as she was pulling her off her lap. Morgan, still not listening, kept climbing into her lap. So Sharon just stood up. Morgan, still trying to get in the good with Sharon tried to hold onto her hand, and Sharon just pulled herself out her grip. I was so impressed! I totally thought Sharon would be one of the nice teachers, but she is soooo scary when she needs to be. You go, Teacher Sharon~!

Yesterday was very...crazy. I was sooo butt tired. I finally got home and go to sleep around 9 PM, after 29 hours of being awake. xP That is grossness mang.. just plain grossness. I was supposed to wake up at 2 am to go to the lib, but I woke up and it was pouring. I was not going to get out of my warm bed to go into that. So I decided to stay in my warm bed until it stopped raining. x) Translation: I woke up at 8 this morning to come to work.

The wind was crazy yesterday... it was kinda scary, but kinda exciting. I wanted to go running in the rain and the wind, and I would have if I didn't need the sleep so much. I had an interesting time walkin in it....

AWANA dinner was fun. The food was SOO good~! Props to Ryan. I guess daddy knows best. ^^;;

I'm going to miss everyone so much. SO MUCH!!

You know what I realized?

I haven't cried in a really long time....

I was supposed to be studying since... 3 hours ago... anyway, my little sister emailed this to me. I have no clue where she got it from... but I thought it was funny:


lookie i actually found your name in something::
and everything is true... except for the swelling of ankles thing?? hhahaha byebye

Haejin

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Haejin you are rather serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You have the gift of tact and diplomacy, and possess a charming, easy-going nature which endears you to others. You have a serious desire to understand the heart and mind of everyone, and could be very effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. This name also gives you a love of home and family, and as a parent you would likely be fair and understanding. You remember the thoughtful little expressions of affection and appreciation that mean so much to others, and you have the ability to create a warm and loving environment. However, you tend to put things off and avoid facing issues because of a lack of confidence and uncertainty. You often need encouragement from someone before you can come to a decision. This name creates a generally well-balanced and healthy nature, but any weakness in the health would cause problems in the fluid functions, such as kidney or bladder trouble, overweight, or swelling of the legs and ankles.

blogs are bad....

And for my defense: when I woke up and saw that girsty had no blankets, I put some on her.

A few interesting things have happened since last night.

girsty and I went over to lila's to just chill and eat last night. I guess after 25 hours of not sleeping, my body just crashed, so we both ended up sleeping there. Anywho, I woke up in the middle of the night because something felt wrong, and whaddaya know? girsty has put her arms and legs all over me. -__-;; Don't let her fool you!! She is definitely a cuddler! haha~ I was too tired to do anything about it, so I just went back to sleep. She apparently thinks I'm her teddy bear. haw haw~ Girsty is a cuddler~ Girsty is a cuddler!! Just for you guys out there. *wink*

The other thing was quite insulting to me, but what can I do? I can't compete with Lila. Especially when it comes to matters of the roach. So I called Alex cuz I needed a ride somewhere, and I got his machine. No biggie. I left him a nice message asking him to call me back. Then Lila comes up with this great idea to use her phone to call him. So I did. Lo and behold, he picks up. It got disconnected, but he immediately calls her back. I was so flabbergasted. *sigh* Oh well, at least I know how he really feels now.

Muahahahah~ let's see how much hate mail I get from these 3 people...

Good luck with finals everyone! And for those that are done.. T-T have fun playing....

I had a movie moment today...

I was walking to finals with a few people: girsty, alex, and jack. We all had different buildings so we were all walkin to our buildings. girsty left first, then alex. then it was me and jack. I had tried to put all my stuff in my backpack w/ no success (cuz I cleared my cubicle *gasp*). I had too much stuff, so I ended up carrying most of my books, papers, notes, etc. It was raining and I was trying to balance my umbrella while adjusting my books and papers so I could carry them without dropping them on the wet ground. But I couldn't do that either. And, of course, I happened to be wearing my super-bell's (w/ sandals, btw), which meant that I was already soaked due to my pants draggin all over the floor. I realized what I must have looked like: you know those nerds in the teeny-bopper movies? Who have a gazillion books and those thick-rimmed glasses (which I was wearing today) and trying to balance all those books and walk at the same time? Instead she stands there and looks like a fool, or worse, drops all her papers? (thank goodness I didn't drop anything!) For some reason, I got really embarrassed cuz jack was kinda just standing there waiting for me to get my act together. It was kinda like the nerd girl walkin with the popular guy and then she gets all nervous cuz it's like her dream come true. It probably didn't help that I just met him today. I felt really really nerdy.

don't be gettin any ideas... xP

i'm supposed to be studying.. xD i have a final in... oh, less than 3 hours. but i can't find the motivation to study. No matter what I get, I'm getting a B in that stupid class. x( Even if I got perfect, which is impossible in Polisci. *shrug* oh well...

I got a really sweet email today. Someone emailed and asked me if I was planning on cancelling my LSAT score (which is what I've decided to keep). I know that that someone is busy with studying for finals, and it really made me feel special. *thanks someone* x)

OH! I have a cool fact! Did you know that Indiana NEVER changes their time? (Like for Spring or Winter or whatever/whenever we change our clocks) So sometimes they're 2 hours ahead, and sometimes they're 3 hours ahead of us. I thought that was so interesting... haha~ I found this out when I called my friend in Indiana at 5AM our time. (sadly, I was going back to the lib to study after having gone home to brush my coffee-stankin breath). I always wondered why I could never figure out the time difference btwn us and Indy... now I know why. xD

Did you know that the US screwed over Japan mightily? A big reason for their Bubble Economy in the 80's was because of the US making Japan sign the Plaza Accord in 1985, where the US devalued their currency. This made the Japanese yen stronger, which hurt their exports. So the Japanese government started inflating the econony to help their exporters. Japan could have took the other path and made their economy more consumer friendly (by letting some of their exporters go bust), but they were so used to protecting their exports, that in the Maekawa Report, they strongly advised the government to continue helping them (through inflationary policies). See? I'm studying~

I've decided...to keep them.

*whew* that was a huge decision. I just hope that it was the right one...

Dang, I didn't go to sleep last night, but I couldn't even make it for 24 hours. I ended up cracking at 11:30 AM. I had to leave work to go to the library to take a nap. *sigH* I'm just an old fart now.

AHHHH!! I hate VERIZON WIRELESS!!! Someone please get me off this contract!

I guess I should start studying for my finals, but I just can't seem to find the motivation...

LSATs came and went. Let's just say that I will be stressing about LSATs for at least 2 more months. -____-;;

I really do have a lot on my mind, but maybe blogging's not the best way to get them out... x) I think I'm overdue for a long talk with Daddy....

Today's message was........a lot of things. I really liked it.

Lord help me to listen.

Here is love vast as the ocean. Loving kindness as a flood. And the Prince of Peace, our ransom, shed for us His precious blood. Who His love will not remember? Who can cease to sing His praise? He can never be forgotten throughout Heaven's eternal days.

I don't know why, but that song's stuck in my head. x)

Guess what time I woke up? Let me give you a hint. It wasn't at 7 when I was supposed to. Let me give you another hint. I probably still have noon kkob... -___-;; yup, that's right. I barely woke up. Now I'm at work. *sigh* I'm just a big smelly ol' fart. WHY CAN'T I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING???! It's kinda worrying me because I've been setting my alarm for 7 (cuz I have to be at Dwinelle by 8:15 on Saturday), but for some reason, the past 2 days, I've been wakin up at 8 to my alarm (then going back to sleep because I missed the 7 o'clock mark, so why get up and just do as I had planned? Waking up late means that I get to go back to sleep, according to my twisted morning logic.. -__-;;) If I do that the day of the test, that would be bad. Maybe I should set my alarm for 6? I don't know... AHH! I wanted to test out my brain this morning too, since it is the last morning I have to practice! *sigh* I'M SUCH A FART!

But I did study before I went to sleep because Alex was oh-so-kind to remind me that LSAT was in less than 30 hrs... x___X

I'm scared....

I’m giving you my heart
And all that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of you my King
I’m giving you my dreams
I’m laying down my rights
I’m giving up my pride
For the promise of new life

And I~ surrender all to You, all to You
And I~ surrender all to You, all to You

I’m singing you this song
Waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear
I count it all as lost
For the sake of knowing
The glory of your name
To know the lasting joy
In sharing in Your pain.

And I~ surrender all to You, all to You
And I~ surrender all to You, all to You

Passion--Surrender

I feel semi-productive. Although I missed my last 8 o'clock lecture, and was 30 minutes late to my last 9:30 lecture of this semester, I went to work. I came home and watched a whole buncha useless TV then went to the library and got in a good 5 to 6 hours of studying. *pat on back* Too bad I decided to drag Alex out for a break, which ended up with Alex flipping a quarter to determine whether we should go home or not. We all know how that turned out...

So here I am at home. With just a little chill time. Apartment's empty. It's kinda nice. Just a little breather to be alone and just think...or not think for that matter. I came home claiming that I would get in at least another hour of studying, but now that I'm home, I wonder how likely that will be...

Countdown.. just one more day of stressing then it will be the day. It's kinda scary, yet in a way, it's nice cuz I know that it'll be over after that. I know that I've been stressing like a mean mother these days. I think it's really evident on my face (I never have been and never will be good at hiding my emotions) because Sylvia pulled me aside the other day. -__-;; I don't want to stress anyone else out, but I admit that I've been a slight stress case these past few days. Especially with LSATs looming around the corner, plus finals that will last for another 2 weeks, I just wonder if I will make it sometimes...

But I'd forgotten: Romans 8:28

Hyewon made me a care package, cuz she knew how much I was stressin out. *thanks hyewon* And in her card, she reminded me: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

These past few days, I've been reflecting a lot. I know that there are times when I especially turn to God. And it's times like these that make me realize just how selfish I really am. I pray to Him ferverently everywhere I go (if you see me talkin to myself as I walk, I'm praying to God...must look like another beZERKlean to others.. haha). Why do I pray? Because I expect Him to answer my prayer the way that I want it to be answered. Because I'm selfish and I think that my prayer will be enough to score a high score on the LSAT. Ridiculous you say? Exactly. I amaze myself with my selfish stupidity these days. I've been struggling with that a lot. Because I pray. I pray that He would help me to surrender my all. I pray that I will be happy with whatever answer He gives or decides not to answer just yet. But do I truly mean that? Or just for now... because things are so bad, and I know that I can't do it without Him. Do I truly mean that I want to surrender my all, or is it all just empty words? How many times have I promised my all to Him, only to take it back when things are "all better"? I wish I could be sure that I'm not that selfish. I wish that I could be certain that I really mean my prayers.

Lord, I know that I've prayed this so many times this week, but I ask that You would help me to take whatever answer that You give to be the best answer for me. Amen.

Lila, I told AWANA, and Esther. That's not all of fiCb, thank you very much. It's not my fault what other people say after I say it. Besides, it's not like you two are hiding anything, are you??? xD I LOVE YOU LILA!

or, as Alex would say:

LILA PARK!!!!!!!

*ugh* I've gained so much weight these days, it's disgusting..

I actually had a pretty productive day (minus me sleeping through one of my classes, and the 3 hours wasted waiting for an LSAT tutor to call me back). Feels mildly good. Need to be doing better on the diags, but what can I do? At this point, I just need to keep craknin out those LR's and keep practicing until it comes naturally.

I love Jack-in-the-Box. *yumm* 99 cent tacos and curly fries digestin in my very grossly bloated belly. *thanks alex*

I should sleep so I can wake up early. But I feel like blogging too. But there are so many things jumbled up in my mind right now...maybe lists will help:

Things that made me cry this past week:
1. Verizon still sucks. I forked out almost $400 in phone bills just these past 2 days and they still disconnected my phone line. How much you wanna bet that they charge me for that even though it wasn't my fault??
2. My mom...long story.
3. My dad...ditto.
4. My little sister...even LONGER story.
5. LSATs. I'm dying. Just dying.
6. Getting my PoliSci paper back today. (remember that one that bit *ahng*? yea... I got it back today)

Firsts this Thanksgiving Break:
1. First time playing scrabble with my parents.
2. First time playing scrabble with my inebriated parents. I've NEVER seen my mom under the influence. Let me tell you...it's funny, but in this twisted and scary way. She couldn't stop giggling. AND she was trying to play scrabble. I don't know if it was the alcohol or if it was just because she can't really spell all that well.
3. First time watching a scary movie (The Ring) and not staying up alllll night. I was so tired I just zonked out. I kept waking up in the middle of the night though, in fits of fear, but I still fell back asleep.
4. First time going to Long Beach Airport. It's so small!
5. First time getting so disgusted for the five hour trip up to Berkeley. WARNING: Don't ride in the car with Lila and Alex on long rides. It's scary.... soooo scary...

Things that made me smile at least once:
1. My other little sister.
2. Thanksgiving Dinner... yummmm~~ Props to my mommy! No one can bake ham like she does~!!! and her turkey.. omg~ it was even better than her ham this year! *drool*
3. NRB... hehehehe~
4. Going to Michael's finally~!
5. Seeing an old friend and just chillin together.. x) *thanks andrea*
6. My presents from NY. *thanks ugly*
7. Morgan and Nathan's new relationship... HAW HAW!!! ok, so I gotta tell you this story: Nathan was hiding under the table and so I asked him why he was hiding. He said he was hiding from me. Then, he pops out from under the table and says, "Well, the reason I'm hiding is, no one's supposed to know, but I'm her boyfriend!" as he pointed to Morgan. Lila and I ran screaming from the room. It was SOO cute! ahahah~ and when Lila asked him what about his crush on her, he said, "it changed" ahahahahahhah~ my my, kids these days. They grow mighty fast!
8. Seeing my kids again, even though I saw them last Sunday. They're just so.. awesome. I also got 3 new kids (girsty, I got your kids for AWANA). They were so funny~ sarah cha is one funny little gal!
9. Morgan's and Julia's hugs. They always run up to me and just give me the biggest squeezes. It's the best~!!
10. Eating lunch with Chris and Janeypooh today. Real quick-like since Chris had to get to work, and Jane and I had to rush off to the library. Nonetheless, time well spent. ^^ *thanks girls*

I guess I'm a lot happier than I thought. I have many more things to smile about than to complain about.. x)

Lord thank You for blessing me, even when I find things to complain about...

I'm a Shirley Temple, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

CONGRATS!
You're an Shirley Temple! In the alcoholic world, you have no respect. You can't hold your liqour, you're usually designated driver, and in general, you're just a woman/bad person.

Yes, I have to study, and yet I find time to take stupid surveys....

My life has sucked for the past week. It is going to continue to suck for the next 3 weeks.

The end.