i don't know if the queasy feeling that i get every time i think of missions is normal. -__-;; my stomach literally churns when i think about how soon i'm leaving and all the stuff that needs to be taken care of and all the preparation that i haven't done... and being in japan for 1 month.. away from home, away from berkeley, away from everyone/everything that i know. i know that i always complain about how much i hate berkeley, and how unwelcome even home feels. but it's what i know! it's comfortable for me even tho i complain. deep down inside, these places are the only places i know... i don't know any of the girls that are going. this will be the first time in my life that i am going somewhere i don't know a single soul. well.. i guess my daddy will be in japan, but i don't even know if i get to see him (i think we're about a 6 hr train ride from each other....) i guess i can always call him and cry to him tho.

i have butterflies... really. it's scary.. before i was excited, then blah.. now completely and totally petrified. i've been reading the training materials.. omg.. what if i totally screw up? i'm supposed to look at things thru the lens of God.. but i definitely am not good at that. i'm sooooooo prone to complain.. prone to fall.. prone to judge quickly! i know that it all depends on God.. that nothing can be done without Him, but why am i going?

O Lord, please calm my heart. Help me to concentrate.. Help me to focus on what is important. Lord be my eyes. Help me to see things thru Your eyes. Help me to love the unlovable. Help me to help out in any way that i am able. Help me to remember why i am going..

ta su ke tte! o ne ga i~~