I feel semi-productive. Although I missed my last 8 o'clock lecture, and was 30 minutes late to my last 9:30 lecture of this semester, I went to work. I came home and watched a whole buncha useless TV then went to the library and got in a good 5 to 6 hours of studying. *pat on back* Too bad I decided to drag Alex out for a break, which ended up with Alex flipping a quarter to determine whether we should go home or not. We all know how that turned out...
So here I am at home. With just a little chill time. Apartment's empty. It's kinda nice. Just a little breather to be alone and just think...or not think for that matter. I came home claiming that I would get in at least another hour of studying, but now that I'm home, I wonder how likely that will be...
Countdown.. just one more day of stressing then it will be the day. It's kinda scary, yet in a way, it's nice cuz I know that it'll be over after that. I know that I've been stressing like a mean mother these days. I think it's really evident on my face (I never have been and never will be good at hiding my emotions) because Sylvia pulled me aside the other day. -__-;; I don't want to stress anyone else out, but I admit that I've been a slight stress case these past few days. Especially with LSATs looming around the corner, plus finals that will last for another 2 weeks, I just wonder if I will make it sometimes...
But I'd forgotten: Romans 8:28
Hyewon made me a care package, cuz she knew how much I was stressin out. *thanks hyewon* And in her card, she reminded me: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
These past few days, I've been reflecting a lot. I know that there are times when I especially turn to God. And it's times like these that make me realize just how selfish I really am. I pray to Him ferverently everywhere I go (if you see me talkin to myself as I walk, I'm praying to God...must look like another beZERKlean to others.. haha). Why do I pray? Because I expect Him to answer my prayer the way that I want it to be answered. Because I'm selfish and I think that my prayer will be enough to score a high score on the LSAT. Ridiculous you say? Exactly. I amaze myself with my selfish stupidity these days. I've been struggling with that a lot. Because I pray. I pray that He would help me to surrender my all. I pray that I will be happy with whatever answer He gives or decides not to answer just yet. But do I truly mean that? Or just for now... because things are so bad, and I know that I can't do it without Him. Do I truly mean that I want to surrender my all, or is it all just empty words? How many times have I promised my all to Him, only to take it back when things are "all better"? I wish I could be sure that I'm not that selfish. I wish that I could be certain that I really mean my prayers.
Lord, I know that I've prayed this so many times this week, but I ask that You would help me to take whatever answer that You give to be the best answer for me. Amen.
So here I am at home. With just a little chill time. Apartment's empty. It's kinda nice. Just a little breather to be alone and just think...or not think for that matter. I came home claiming that I would get in at least another hour of studying, but now that I'm home, I wonder how likely that will be...
Countdown.. just one more day of stressing then it will be the day. It's kinda scary, yet in a way, it's nice cuz I know that it'll be over after that. I know that I've been stressing like a mean mother these days. I think it's really evident on my face (I never have been and never will be good at hiding my emotions) because Sylvia pulled me aside the other day. -__-;; I don't want to stress anyone else out, but I admit that I've been a slight stress case these past few days. Especially with LSATs looming around the corner, plus finals that will last for another 2 weeks, I just wonder if I will make it sometimes...
But I'd forgotten: Romans 8:28
Hyewon made me a care package, cuz she knew how much I was stressin out. *thanks hyewon* And in her card, she reminded me: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
These past few days, I've been reflecting a lot. I know that there are times when I especially turn to God. And it's times like these that make me realize just how selfish I really am. I pray to Him ferverently everywhere I go (if you see me talkin to myself as I walk, I'm praying to God...must look like another beZERKlean to others.. haha). Why do I pray? Because I expect Him to answer my prayer the way that I want it to be answered. Because I'm selfish and I think that my prayer will be enough to score a high score on the LSAT. Ridiculous you say? Exactly. I amaze myself with my selfish stupidity these days. I've been struggling with that a lot. Because I pray. I pray that He would help me to surrender my all. I pray that I will be happy with whatever answer He gives or decides not to answer just yet. But do I truly mean that? Or just for now... because things are so bad, and I know that I can't do it without Him. Do I truly mean that I want to surrender my all, or is it all just empty words? How many times have I promised my all to Him, only to take it back when things are "all better"? I wish I could be sure that I'm not that selfish. I wish that I could be certain that I really mean my prayers.
Lord, I know that I've prayed this so many times this week, but I ask that You would help me to take whatever answer that You give to be the best answer for me. Amen.
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