haejin's thoughts while she's "studying":
- why do ppl dress up to come to the library and study for finals?
- what would possess a woman to run away from her wedding day and then call 911 to fake her kidnapping in order to get out of the deep doo doo she was in for disappearing w/o telling anyone and having the police search for her for 48 hours????
- why is it so hard for me to study during the day? (actually these days, i can't seem to study at any hour)
- i listened to the oldest song today! does anyone remember the guys next door song called i've been waiting for you? geez, talk about a blast from the past! (i've been waiting for you/all my life for somebody who/makes me feel the way i do when i'm with you baby/have you been waiting too/cuz i've been waiting for you)
- my eyes hurt.
- i really have the best bf. he's sitting next to me and studying even tho he doesn't have to. ^^ he's the best study buddy. (cuz he buys me food all the time)
- oi vey, this week is gonna be painful.
- why does mother's day have to fall on the weekend before my finals?

ok, my bf's back and going to kill me. i should study... boo.

dreams

for those of you that know me well, you know that i have crrraaazzzzy dreams and i remember most of them. here are a few, just for your entertainment:

one night i dreamt that i was in love with my brother who looked like vin diesel. he liked me too but we were related, so we couldn't do anything about that.

once i dreamt that we were being chased by these bad guys. they caught up with me at a carnival/faire type place. he shot me point blank, and i felt the shot blinding me. it was weird because i didn't feel the pain until everything had gone black. kevin was there and HE DIDN'T CRY!! he just sat there and left me to die. T-T

once i dreamt that i wanted to sacrifice myself to a shark because i loved him. i wanted him to eat me because then i could be with him forever. but he said that it would hurt too much. i asked him to take me to korea and he did. but korea was too cold and so he started to die. he knew that he would die if he went to korea, but he went because he loved me. he soon turned into a little puppy. we were on a boat and trying to get him to warmer water. we got to warmer water and i found a doctor who performed some magic and made him better and into a killer whale. i asked the doctor how much it would cost, and he said he couldn't accept any money. me and the shark/puppy/killer whale lived happily ever after.

this happens to me a lot - i'll dream the same thing twice but when i do the same thing in the second dream, it comes out differently.
once i dreamt that there was this monster thing. have you guys ever seen that scary movie with michael j. fox (the frightners?)? like the clear shapes on the wall? that's what the monster looked like. somehow i killed him with water. then i dreamt it all over again. so this time i knew that i had to use water. but when i sprayed him, he got bigger and couldn't be contained. i was so confused because it worked earlier!

and my personal favorite:
the night before last i had a dream that i had a wedding planned. all the invitations were sent and everything was prepared. but i was talking to my sister and i told her, "i don't think i'm going to get married." and my sister asked me, "why not??" and i answered, "because, i don't even have a husband!" -__-;; how sad....

hehe~ i'm bored and this is my last day of work. i'm not in the mood to do anything productive....

3 girls driving around at 3 am in search of food.
3 girls driving around at 3 am finds the food.
3 girls drive home around 3 am to demolish the food in 3 mins.
(well, it was 5 mins, but i like the 3 theme)

wow, we're amazing.

speaking of amazing, this post is dedicated to the jae's - jae eun and jae kyung.
thanks guys for always letting me come over even tho you know that means that neither of you can get anything done and that jae kyung will be knitting something. haha~ and for always amusing my requests and going out with me even though none of us really should (b/c no money and no time) and end up spending $100. seriously, it's been such a blessing to have you's in my life during these ugly times called finals. after finals we three shall have so much fun we'll throw up. (well, i'll prolly throw up, haha~) and just b/c i love you girls so much, i'll even wait to throw up at home. ^^

until then...

aja aja hwaiting~!

my bf's response to the boob incident:
toughguyBCK: u didn't drop my laptop, did u?

-__-;; the love. can ya feel it?

*sigh* today has been one of those days..

- had an interview. it was the most unconventional interview i've ever had. as if i weren't nervous enough, the guy who was interviewing me kept looking at another candidate's resume. he was COMPARING me to another candidate. in front of me. DURING THE INTERVIEW.
a couple of things that were said:
"did anyone ever tell you that you look like a korean talent? who is it that you resemble?" (this was before he began to interview me in korean)
"if you could give a job to a group of equally capable koreans or a group of americans, who do you think would do a better job?"
"we really like you, but there's this other girl that we really liked, so it's gonna be a tough decision."

- got a rejection. not that bad tho cuz he was really nice. called me and told me he'd call me if there's an opening in the summer.

- flashed half the school. *sigh* i'm wearing a button down shirt. i was walking with my bags of crap and all this stuff fell. so i had to balance and do all these acrobatics to try and pick it up. i got up. not realizing that in the tussle, my shirt had come undone. *sigh* to top it off, i'm wearing my bra that likes to only cover half my boobs. and of course this happened right outside the library. where everyone was taking a break. thank god i saw the look on one of the guys' faces. *sigh* donno how long i woulda gone w/o noticing otherwise.

yes. it's been one of those days...

EDIT
the guy wasn't HAPPY. he just looked SHOCKED. get yo head out of the gutters ppl.

you know that you didn't write a very good writing sample when...

... the supervising attorney never asks you to do anything again.

... the supervising attorney smirks whenever he sees you.

... the supervising attorney treats the other extern differently so you know that his face is not frozen in a smirk.

... the supervising attorney smirks when you ask him for feedback because you want to use it for a writing sample and he tells you to ask another attorney.

-__-;; i know it wasn't my best work, but that's why i wanted his feedback. i guess it's so hopeless that it doesn't even deserve feedback. xP

unfortunately i have another research memo to write him. he didn't give it to me, but the other extern wasn't able to finish it before his last day.. *sigh*

and i'm trying to become an attorney? will i ever be competent enough??

Lord please help me.

why is it that whenever me and jae try to go to a club, it ends up being a total bust? xP

so, as part of my i'm-going-to-start-finals-so-this-is-my-last-chance-for-fun resolve, last night, jae arranged for us to go to the viper room. we got there 10 mins after 10:30, and they charged us $5. it was freakin dead. then, the band we were supposed to see had already played and we had missed the whole show. i wasted $16 there - $5 cover and $10 drink plus $1 tip.

we ended up leaving because.. yea.. it was dead. we tried to find somewhere - ANYwhere - that was open at midnight. on a monday night. it was to no avail. but, unwilling to be defeated, we decided to go buy some drinks and chill at jae's. so we got some drinks, some chips & salsa and watched resident evil and down with love. it was a pleasant evening...

...that ended this morning at 5 am. -__-;; i had class at 8:30. amazingly, i made it (about 2 mins late, but that's cuz i had to get gas). i have class til 8 pm. *sigh* wonderful, eh?

why is it that i can somehow justify myself into not studying..EVERY single time?

but really, from now on, ppl, yell at me if you see me online or if you hear that i'm going out (unless it's for food cuz you may get hurt if you try to stop me there). *sigh* i need to get crackin.

finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck finals suck

yay.

i'm reading job and it was craziness mang.. job had some sucky friends. and he also had lots of guts. i don't think i could ever challenge God to look at my righteousness because i know i'm not righteous. but it's what i want to strive for.

it's hard to not feel compassionate for job. especially right now - with my body breaking down last week (cold sore, sty), with the fact that no amount of sleep seems to be enough for my body, and with finals and the fact that i still haven't found a summer job... sometimes i want to get the guts to question God and why he pays so much attention to my insignificant life.

Lord, please help me get through these next few weeks. Help me to remember to trust you completely and to remember that the things of this earth are meaningless. I pray all these things in Your heavenly name.

hehehe~ how funny.

a couple of weeks ago, girsty came to visit me on campus. we ate at my crap-ateria and then she didn't want to drive back in traffic so she stayed with me in one of my classes. she was bored out of her mind so she was folding origami. i kept most of them, but mr. giraffe was too big and didn't fit in my purse so we left him in the library.

yesterday kevin and i were at the library trying to xerox copy some stuff for me and i walked by the librarian's desk, and there was mr. giraffe! i took a picture:

it looks like he's settling in well in his new home. i'm glad we left him here. he looks so happy, doesn't he?

i went to jae's to study last night. i don't know why i go there when i have stuff to do. as usual, i ended up watching a whole bunch of tv: parts of locusts, parts of crossing jordan and the movie the golden child (yes, the one with eddie murphy)...... *sigh* i didn't get anything done there.

and i came to work late, haha~ but it's ok. i only have a couple more days here.

blah blah blah. i need to stop making schedules and just do what i have to do. why am i so tired?? really, i don't get enough sleep. on friday, i missed work because i slept all day. -__-;; then i was supposed to stay up all night to study, but... of course... i did not. i fell asleep around 2 or 3am (after an unproductive day) *sigh* i'm so bad.

ok, i should work.

was itching to play last night so me and jae and jaek decided to go to white lotus. it was ok. i think it seems like a great place for a girl's night out....when we're all rich and stuff. otherwise, the food was ok, the band was ok, there was open mic night, which was kinda cool. service was less than ok, but it was a good experience, i guess.

i really need to buckle down and study. *sigh*

my mom's really cute. i told her that i was collecting coins so i can buy a ticket to ny. she told me i was retarded b/c i'd never get enough money. but today, she gave me a bag of quarters and dimes she'd been collecting for me. x) underneath all our dysfunctional-ness, i guess there really is love.

and that was my humbling experience of the day.

thank you Lord.

the things some people say....

NotYetSeven: DUDE ARE YOU OK?
me: yea i'm fine
me: and hush if you're being sarcastic
me: xP
NotYetSeven: dude that's just straight up sick
NotYetSeven: does it still hurt?
me: ...
me: ohh
me: haha my lip
NotYetSeven: ?
me: it doesn't hurt anymore
NotYetSeven: what else?
me: i got into a fender bender this morning
me: xP
NotYetSeven: oh really?
me: yea
me: i thought you were trying to be funny
NotYetSeven: dude...what'd you do to piss off God?
me: i know
me: haha
me: i felt like job today
NotYetSeven: nah...i was just disturbed over your photos
me: haha
me: yea
me: it looks better now.
NotYetSeven: seriously...you got the boils down
me: it's not filled w/ puss
me: but now it's scabby
NotYetSeven: i have never seen puss like that
me: haha
me: yea, tell me about it
NotYetSeven: maybe in the movies but that's all make up
me: it HURT like a MOTHER
NotYetSeven: i didn't think that stuff really existed
me: but doesn't hurt so much anymore
NotYetSeven: you should bottle it up and save it as a souvenir
NotYetSeven: who knows...maybe you can find use for it later
NotYetSeven: like if your husband pissed you off...open up the bottle and spread a bit of that puss on his lips
NotYetSeven: and see if it infects him
me: ew
me: that's gross
me: and it would infect him
me: it's highly contagious
NotYetSeven: oh really?
NotYetSeven: ooooh
NotYetSeven: that's so cool!
NotYetSeven: hey
NotYetSeven: bottle it up for me
me: eww
NotYetSeven: i wanna see if i can ebay it
me: i don't have anymore i said~!!
NotYetSeven: awwww
NotYetSeven: you sure?
me: yes
NotYetSeven: maybe it's on some napkin you used to wipe your mouth with
me: no
NotYetSeven:
NotYetSeven: well glad that it got better...
NotYetSeven: i guess
me: haha
me: thanks

edit:
then he proceeded to tell me how horrible i looked at jessica's wedding.. bags under my eyes and a vein popping out on the left side of my forehead near my eye. hong's such a JERK! xP

so i got into an accident today. it's my first accident with another car. thankfully the other guy let me go because he didn't have any damage to his car. (it was my fault. i was backing out of my driveway and didn't see him). today i learned a couple of things. first, i learned what a blind spot is. i really didn't see him until i after i hit him. second, i also learned that being in an accident is the worst experience ever. even in a small fender bender like mine, (altho my fender looks pretty bad now.. -__-;;) it was a bad experience. i never want to do that again.

here are some pictures (which look better than real life.. but whatevers)


*sigh* it's been one of those days/weeks/months/semesters.

Lord please give me the strength to get through the days.

me and kevin went to my professor's for dinner. it was very interesting. first of all, her house was AMAZING. second, her family was so nice. she has three very well-behaved kids and her husband was also very nice. it was a very cool experience.

on the other hand, kevin was not by my side for most of the evening. it wasn't because he was mingling with my classmates or professor. instead, he spent it pooping. at my professor's. twice. haha~ apparently, mediterranean food does NOT settle well with him. the rest of them evening he spent sitting beside me, intently concentrating on keeping his bowel in control. haha~

otherwise, he was the perfect date. thanks for going with me kevin and listening to us nerdy law students. ^^;;

april seems to be the month of steaks. both in 2002 and 2003, i got steak from people.

it's april people. where's my steak?

for those of you curious (and for those of you not) about the status of my lip, here is a picture of day 2:

it's breeding more blisters... -__-;; i went to sav-on last night and spent around $20 on abreva. freakin a that thing is expensive. and it hasn't really done much of anything yet! xP it better work..

and that is my picture of the day.

the weirdest thing happened yesterday.

i ate my doshirak, took my clean napkin and wiped my mouth and BAM, this nasty thing started to grow on my lip. it hurts. every once in a while it pops, and i feel this liquid drip out. just in case that wasn't gross enough, here's a picture:
dang, i got a big mouth, and this is a nasty picture..but it's ok right? (right??? kevin??)

does anyone know what i can buy to get rid of this crap? i haven't had one of these in years so i don't remember. i was researching online and the most common remedy was some L-lysine or something like that?

i guess last week finally caught up to me..

it's been awhile.

this weekend was full of blasts from the past:
- phone call from steve chin(!) whom i haven't heard from since i left berkeley. it was good to talk to him.
- jae and i met up w/ eugene for dinner. x) a little bit o encouragement before her mcats.
- jae and i met up w/ min jung for drinks. i ended up doing most of the drinking (min had a toothache and jae was driving), but fun to catch up.
- i had a negative blast from the past.. just being reminded of why i hated my life so much in high school. it was a very tough week last week...

...but through it all, God has been good to me. even though bf's usually have been detrimental to me, this time, i've been SO lucky. seriously, kevin's been my sanity. thanks. somehow, God also made it so i ended up reading ecclesiastes during this time. even though that book is slightly depressing, it really has been helping me get through it all, because no matter what happens, the only meaningful thing in my life is God. i need to remember that in the end, nothing lasts except for God's love.

thank you God. for everything. for the good and especially the bad. i would never seek You without the bad, so thank you for loving me enough to send the bad. help me to be joyful for everything because i know that this life isn't mine. i pray all these things...

haha~ girsty, i read the word "ginormous" today in a fashion article. haha~ so you're not the only one. ^^

all the kitties are gone. T-T i'm so sad...

i'm so out of it these days. i donno what's wrong with me... i'm just so tired of living. (don't worry i'm not suicidal)i just wish it would stop.

i need to wake up in the morning..

i miss heaven.

carroll i want my dinner. x) see you soon, right?

yesterday, jae, jaekyung and i went to watch the jacket. as we were buying tickets the girl behind the counter asked how old we were. let's just say that made all of our nights. x) apparently we look younger than 17. hehehe~

does anyone know a cure for waking up in the mornings?