how do i measure in God's eyes?

today i let God be straight-up offended.

my supervisor was telling me i needed to come to work on a saturday, and i told her i didn't know because i might be at a retreat for church. she then cocked her eyebrow @ me and said i MUST be at work and to tell the church to do it another day. to say the least, i was a little taken aback. first of all, this is a work-study job. she can't REQUIRE me to come to work on saturday. i'm a student first. but overlooking that minor detail, i explained to her that it was a church-wide thing and i couldn't back out of it. it was mandatory. she then said, "i know korean churches. they're cults!" and i responded, "no. i chose to do this." and she kept repeating, "i know. they're cults!" she said this at least 10 times. it was clear from her face (and i'm sure mine) that this was improper, but she wouldn't stop. there was another girl (student co-worker) and she managed to say, "you're so funny, M." i think she was sensing the tension and was trying to smooth it over.

...and i didn't know what to say. a few mins later, she asked me if i was offended and i said no even though i was clearly offended.

i think she knew because she came up to me later and asked again, to which i responded that i WAS offended, but that she was entitled to her opinion. she told me that her mom goes to a korean church and that her mom is obsessive. she thought she told me about this, so she was just joking and didn't mean to offend me. i assured her it was ok. but was that the good thing to do? i donno.. but i really didn't want to make a big deal about it because things with her are already strained (AKA: she's hard to work with) and i didn't want to create another barrier by getting offended and making a big deal about it.

but then i got to thinking.. what if this happens again and the next time, they don't come up and ask me again? will i be able to stand up for God? if i can't even stand up for God and what i believe in, how effective will i be standing up for other people? isn't that what i will be doing in the future as an attorney? what if the next time it's a partner at a law firm? do you argue and try to prove your point, or do you just sit there demurely and take it? or is there a middleground somewhere?

i don't know. i was just so offended at that moment. @ the same time, i wanted to show her God's love too and was thinking perhaps this was the best way. but maybe that was just my "easy way out" justification.. you know? it made me realize how much more guidance and accountability i need. i think this may be God's way of gently nudging me to find more ways to be with Him. i've been putting off reading the Bible by leaving my Bible in my car; i've been putting off praying; i've been putting off joining lifegroups..i've just been putting my spiritual life on hold so i can "get my life together." (AKA lazy excuses).

..so although today was a slap in the face, it did make me jung shin cha ryuh.

friends, won't you keep me accountable?