i came to school at 7:30 this morning.. and slept til 10:10. haha~ i'm so bad.. i was supposed to read/OL, but i was just SO tired.. xP i'm so bad..

well, i did my mock interview. surprise, surprise, her first comment was that i talked too fast. haha~ i donno why i talk so fast...

last night, i was sifting through my old stuff, and i found this biography i was going to write about my life. when most ppl think back to 8th grade, i'm sure they were pretty happy and didn't have much to worry about.. 8th grade was my darkest year. haha, reading over that now makes me laugh but i remember back to how it was back then.. and i wonder how i made it at all. let me give you some snippits:

i want to take a knife and kill myself. no one would notice.
why do we have to live this way? i'd rather just die.
everywhere i go there's hurt and bitterness, it's just so depressing.

yep.. i was 13 yrs. old. i was going thru a horrible time.. i remember having no guidance. i was so bitter at God. i said something to the effect of "i gave up on religion."

but now that i think about it, the only way that i made it was that i was still clinging dearly to the promises that God made. even tho i was bitter and angry and so depressed, even tho i claimed that God didn't exist, in my 'story' i call out to him countlessly. and when i was bitter or angry, i was bitter and angry with God. even in the greatest depths of dispair, i realized that He controls everything.

that gives me hope..

thank you Lord, for the small ways You remind me of You.