I've wasted 5 hours y'all. xD Aren't I good at wasting time? I think I'm the best at it...
I really don't like writing personal statements. -__-;; What is there to say?? xP
I was really sad last night. No particular reason. I just felt despair..even worse..I felt hopeless. How can I be hopeless when God has made so many promises to me? I dont' know. It's my stupidity, I suppose. I couldn't get myself to work on my personal statement until about 2:30 AM. I worked til 5AM, then I decided to make better use of my time and journaled. I haven't done that since finals. It was weird. All this bitterness just poured out. No particular reason...just bitterness.
I feel so hollow.
Today at church I felt nothing. Even praise failed to move me like it usually does. I just sat there..numb from my conversation with Him last night. Then when offering came around, I said a short prayer. I asked Him if I was always going to struggle. I asked Him if I would ever be stable in Him. If I could ever let go of the world.
It really amazes me at how quickly God answers sometimes...He told me that I would constantly be struggling. That it's a lifelong journey, and that I must continue to dig, deeper and deeper. Past all the lies, deceit, shame, and my sinful nature. I had to dig until I reached my heart--yearning to be with Him...wishing to be whole again.
I know that I have a long way to go. I know that I go through these stages when I feel empty and hollow. And I also realize the reason is that He's missing from my life. When I'm struggling, when I'm drowning in what is my life, I find the strength to go on because God gives me that strength. God gives it ot me because I ask Him for His strength. But when things are stagnant in my life, I find my spiritual life crumbling... I'd much prefer to have my world fall apart than my spiritual life.
I always pray about God's will. That I want to know what God's will is. But in order to find that out, I can't just sit here and wait. I have to seek His will. I have to read the Bible. I have to pray. I have to stop being so apathetic.
And when I delight myself in You
You give me the desires of my heart
Lord please hold onto me. Please don't let me go...
I really don't like writing personal statements. -__-;; What is there to say?? xP
I was really sad last night. No particular reason. I just felt despair..even worse..I felt hopeless. How can I be hopeless when God has made so many promises to me? I dont' know. It's my stupidity, I suppose. I couldn't get myself to work on my personal statement until about 2:30 AM. I worked til 5AM, then I decided to make better use of my time and journaled. I haven't done that since finals. It was weird. All this bitterness just poured out. No particular reason...just bitterness.
I feel so hollow.
Today at church I felt nothing. Even praise failed to move me like it usually does. I just sat there..numb from my conversation with Him last night. Then when offering came around, I said a short prayer. I asked Him if I was always going to struggle. I asked Him if I would ever be stable in Him. If I could ever let go of the world.
It really amazes me at how quickly God answers sometimes...He told me that I would constantly be struggling. That it's a lifelong journey, and that I must continue to dig, deeper and deeper. Past all the lies, deceit, shame, and my sinful nature. I had to dig until I reached my heart--yearning to be with Him...wishing to be whole again.
I know that I have a long way to go. I know that I go through these stages when I feel empty and hollow. And I also realize the reason is that He's missing from my life. When I'm struggling, when I'm drowning in what is my life, I find the strength to go on because God gives me that strength. God gives it ot me because I ask Him for His strength. But when things are stagnant in my life, I find my spiritual life crumbling... I'd much prefer to have my world fall apart than my spiritual life.
I always pray about God's will. That I want to know what God's will is. But in order to find that out, I can't just sit here and wait. I have to seek His will. I have to read the Bible. I have to pray. I have to stop being so apathetic.
And when I delight myself in You
You give me the desires of my heart
Lord please hold onto me. Please don't let me go...
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