i know that 9/11 was yesterday, but to be totally honest... i really didn't feel that much. i think it's the same as last year. it didn't hit me until afterwards. i remember sept. 12 much more clearly than 9/11. i think it took me a day for it to actually sink in. just the feelings that i felt that day was all coming back to me today... so weird...

i'm at work again.. just sittin around. cuz.. you kno, i can. i donno. i think i'm just really tired. i've been going thru major ups and downs lately. it's been really takin a lot out of me. i don't really know what it is, but i do know that i need to start reading the Bible and praying. xP i really wanted to journal, but i haven't found the time to do it yet. just a lot of things, i suppose. it's been kinda hectic in my head lately. sometimes it'll be really empty. then all of a sudden, i'll be filled with all this doubt and all this fear and just.. uncertainty about everything. it's kinda weird... some days i'll be really positive, and that same day i'll fall into this deep pit of self-pity or fear or.. i donno some other bad feeling. i haven't quite put my finger on it, but i think it may have something to do with my age. T-T i'm just gettin old.

i want to be transformed, not conformed...