i got to work.. kinda on time. 9 am. not too bad.. xP i don't really have much to do either... so i guess imma be blogging again later.

gosh~ this summer has been so.. i don't know...very strange. there's a lot of things goin on in my head, but none of it is making much sense. i just keep going around in circles and back again. it's really frustrating. right now, there's not really anything in particular that's bothering me. in fact, things couldn't be more peachy. yet i feel this emptiness... which is most definitely the result of my lack of passion for God. i really want to read the Bible and to pray, but it's so hard! i guess cuz nothing seems to be wrong, i can't find a reason to be passionate about anything. so everything is really... blah. which is BAD considering that i want to be preparing for missions. even that's fizzed out. at first, i was so excited to go.. but now, i wonder if i'm meant to do this. there's this total lack of motivation for everything in my life. oof~ how depressing...

lack of motivation is basically a euphamism for lazy. i am soooooo lazy! as my mama would say, "gae ul luh tuh jut suh!" -__-;; i need to get off my lazy butt, and stop makin pitiful excuses! i need to do my QT's and pray my heart out. there are so many things to pray for!! missions, my family, my friends that aren't Christian, church.. etc, etc! so many things.. *sigh* i don't know mang~ doode.. seriously tho.. i feel like all the sermons lately have been directly pointed at me. like God is shaking His finger at me and scolding me to my face. xP what Pastor Ryan said about being a people pleaser.. and how that leads to fear of man.. that's me. x( i can see that it's destructive to my relationship with God because i'm so busy concerning myself with mere people that i forget that it's God that i want to please.. oi~ stupid, i am.

random question, completely off topic... what do you say to someone who believes that God exists, believes that Jesus came and died to save us, but doesn't believe in going to church? i didn't want to push, but i think i ended up doing that.. xP their rebuttal was: "salvation comes thru grace, not thru faith or works..." and that's definitely true... but, after grace, there's the realization of how thankful we should be that God gave us that grace... and there's the need to worship..to fellowship... righT? they used to go to church, but got turned off by all the hypocrisy/human flaws/politics of it, i think.. i don't know... i didn't know what to say.. which is why i should read the Bible! *sigh* i got issues mang~

all i have needed, the Lord has provided. He has always been faithful to me!

i guess i should just hold onto that fact...